Come play... with what happiness is.

While travelling home from work yesterday I laughed at my sweet colleague who is newly in love with her boyfriend of 3 weeks. Though the journey I'd make jokes at how they would literally have text conversations spanning several hours merely informing each other that they miss and love each other very much, with the customary multitude of kisses to affirm such statements. While in conversation with another colleague, aside from our humour picking apart the holes in young love and the laughable fallacy of the true nature of the term, my other colleague talked about how she is finally in a relationship where she is truly comfortable, and with this in addition to her life accomplishments so far (career-related ;).

She is by far the happiest now that she has ever been by far, though she no longer lives in Dubai as she had outgrown her original profession, and her family live in Europe (proper Europe) so she can only communicate with them time to time through Skype as she also works 14-16 hour days so barely has any time for herself, never mind her relationship. But despite all this, she is 100%, completely happy and feels whole.

We discussed the damaging repercussions of controlling relationships (which our young companion spoke so freely about, she’s been with her boyfriend for 3 weeks, and he has already told her that she is fat and needs to go to the gym, along with texting her constantly asking to come over to hers, at 17 that seems a bit young to be so controlling, I thought that was something that generally came with age... to a point) and how by spending your life treading over egg-shells in a controlling relationship can cast a shadow over any joy that even other aspects of your life should bring to you. I guess games are for kids, and this includes mind games.

But the majority of the people I have courted over the years have generally (always- at first) been really kind and loving and respectful, I have been in 2 relationships which were completely overbearing (hence why I said always, at first) and went from lovely niceness to horrible, controlling, blockading the only exit after an argument which was usually over me wanting to spend time with my friends without them, because they didn't like them because they never let me 'play out'.

But I guess you need these experiences so that once you finally meet someone who really treats you right, is there for you for whatever you need and trusts you to have friendships outside, as well as within the relationship, with no grief, only stories, along with being willing to follow you to the ends of the Earth; then you will realise what a rare and beautiful creature you have had the pleasure and luck to meet and won't squish their hearts because they're "too nice" or whatever.

There are plenty of dickheads in the world, a lot of them with a lot of money, but what you really want, is to be with someone who is happy to stand by you and help you nurture your own future, to enable you to be the best you can be, then you can both be rich one day and not have the awkward situation of having to feel like you are owned by the other person because they contribute more financially to the relationship. I could not imagine a worst outcome, it's situations like this which make the 'bread-winners' of a relationship believe that it is alright to indulge in a little domestic violence since the other party would not be able to survive independently...

Wow, what a depressing tangent.

Anyway, our conclusion was, that what made us truly happy, was that we were in relationships which did not rule our lives in anyway, and had we not been in them then nothing would be any different in any other aspect of our lives, but it was just nice to have someone to come home to, to go for a walk with, to eat with or to travel with. To have a companion in life who makes you smile every morning. And to know that you're loved. That's what happiness is to me.

Come Play. .. With the dickface that is your subconscious mind.

I just saw a picture of someone who wasn't particularly nice to me at school with their current spouse and instantaneously thought 'Haha, their other-halves physical appearance is substandard!' (More eloquently worded here of course). And after less than a second after thinking it, I was saddened by the cuntish nature of my own thought.

Earlier today I thought about how much I respected people who were just happy to accept themselves for who they were abd had an 'it is what it is' sort of attitude. But how is it possible when people (apparently I) have the mentality to put people down who are very clearly happy because of childhood pettiness.

Other reasons to be like this are because we envy others for their money/success/lifestyle which is why women's "lifestyle" magazines are so popular. But all this mentality does in the end is bring you down when you realise what a horrible, disgusting person you are on the inside. And that anyone who even thinks like this or even worse speaks out about it needs to have a good hard look in the mirror and rediscover themselves and their heart.

To find happiness and humour in picking apart another person is a hollow and damaging exercise. At least once you're able to acknowledge that you're doing it you can take steps to make a change.

For me it starts by writing it down.

For you I hope it starts with this post.

Let's make a change and grow.

From now on I'm going to spend at least one minute of my day thinking about what makes someone I know beautiful (by nature) and if possible see if I can adopt that mentality or take something from it.

Maybe you can try it too and make the world a little less douchie :)

Till next time,

Much love,

Corky xx