Come Play. .. With the dickface that is your subconscious mind.

I just saw a picture of someone who wasn't particularly nice to me at school with their current spouse and instantaneously thought 'Haha, their other-halves physical appearance is substandard!' (More eloquently worded here of course). And after less than a second after thinking it, I was saddened by the cuntish nature of my own thought.

Earlier today I thought about how much I respected people who were just happy to accept themselves for who they were abd had an 'it is what it is' sort of attitude. But how is it possible when people (apparently I) have the mentality to put people down who are very clearly happy because of childhood pettiness.

Other reasons to be like this are because we envy others for their money/success/lifestyle which is why women's "lifestyle" magazines are so popular. But all this mentality does in the end is bring you down when you realise what a horrible, disgusting person you are on the inside. And that anyone who even thinks like this or even worse speaks out about it needs to have a good hard look in the mirror and rediscover themselves and their heart.

To find happiness and humour in picking apart another person is a hollow and damaging exercise. At least once you're able to acknowledge that you're doing it you can take steps to make a change.

For me it starts by writing it down.

For you I hope it starts with this post.

Let's make a change and grow.

From now on I'm going to spend at least one minute of my day thinking about what makes someone I know beautiful (by nature) and if possible see if I can adopt that mentality or take something from it.

Maybe you can try it too and make the world a little less douchie :)

Till next time,

Much love,

Corky xx

Come play... with Aunt Flo

Words cannot comprehend how much pain I am in due to the visit of my aunt, yet I am so overjoyed for her visit, after a mind-numbingly gruelling week of waiting for her arrival. My initial thoughts were, oh fuck, can't be preggo, so I took not one, but FIVE tests, and they all came back negative. 

So if that wasn't it, what was wrong?! Then I spoke with my colleague at work who told me that her daughter hadn't had one for two years when she was around my age due to yo-yo dieting. 

I have to admit, I had quite a bad body-image for a while, I think it was because my ex called me a whale on several occasions after we broke up, mind you she was a feeder, so it makes sense that by her losing me the only way she could make herself feel better would be to attempt to bring me down due to my weight. Which is ironic due to the fact that even despite my weight gain I was/still am hotter than anyone else she was ever going to get. It's a hard life in the lesbian world, especially when the butch ones try to push all the bisexuals away by labelling them as 'greedy cock-munchers' or whatever. 

But yes, I have spent the last few months checking my weight pretty much every day, and I went from eating tiny portions daily, to purging 3 or 4 times a week, and starving the rest. So in hindsight I can see why my body is pissed and took so long to get it's act together. 

I think I'm going to have to take the scales out of my room and stop being so obsessive about my weight/appearance, I didn't even think it was that bad but I guess these things kind of manifest themselves on their own. 

Well, I am off to cry on my way to work, I hope someone has some painkillers... or alcohol. 

Bye! xx