Come play with... Trying too hard.

It's funny how every relationship/encounter that I've ever had with someone of whom I had a significant instant attraction to always becomes awkward as fuck. It's weird, if you're yourself, just standard goofy little you, you always attract the attention of members of the opposite sex (I specifically say opposite as this does not apply to me personally with same-sex encounters), and when you click on that they might find you endearing then you start to go weird.

Why is it that regardless of who you are or who they are, you become lost for words, suddenly you watch what you say and become worried about what they may think! And before you know it you no longer have anything left to say at all and you're stuck trying to save what it was that you found attractive about them in the first place to find that it was lost somewhere amongst the lust and the butterflies.

It's a sad state of affairs when you become so consumed with lust that you place someone on a pedestal of whom has no place there, and you find yourself changing and HATE it. You're constantly bashing your head against a brick wall trying to remember who you were and to become that bright spark that lighten's their day, to find that you've become an overbearing nag desperate for attention.

What is it about the human brain which makes you instantly feel the need to change yourself once you have identified the current object of your desires? (note how I've used the word object, because they are no longer human, you can no longer identify with them on a personal level and you must now treat them with the utmost tenderness and care, like a Chanel bag.)

I haven't done this in a very long time (baring in mind that I've deliberately dated people that are not necessarily as 'physically' attractive as myself to prevent this) yet now I've decided that I actually would like to be physically attracted to my next lover, I know it's going to come at a cost because this is something embedded into my DNA since the dawn of time.

I shall be sure to do all I can to switch this off, although I know the only way that'll be possible is to never have a relationship. Which is probably best right now. It's just going to be weird since I've been solidly pretty much in long-term relationships since 2010, but I guess we've all got to start somewhere!

To being single! Woo! (Bored already) xx