Come Play With... 2014

Good evening to you all.

It has been brought to my attention that about this time of year people come up with these weird things called 'Resolutions' or something, where they generally set themselves some sort of unachievable target (or non-scalable i.e being nicer, wtf) and then by the end of the month are back to square one. Still smoking and still fat.

Well this year, my initial thoughts on a resolution were to be 'a proper lad and to give none of the fucks for 2014' which is a good idea in theory, except for the fact that... and believe it or not... I have a vagina.

Henceforth due to this I have decided that for my New Years Resolution I shall not set up a New Years Resolution. Because I never keep to them anyway and frankly, if anything I spent a good chunk of the last year trying to be sweet, compassionate and empathetic and self-less. But I am none of these things!

I'd say if I made it to 2015 without a kid that would be ace, but I don't want to jinx it. And if I wasn't still living in Manchester that would be cool too, but for some reason I'm not holding my breath just yet.

All I'm going to do is just keep going down the downward spiral that is my life, still frustrated and stunted; still alone and bitter.

Happy 2014.

Come Play with... Weirdos

What the actual fuck is going on with my life?

I've got a hoard of people chasing after me, and I'm well past my so-called 'Prime'.

Far too much headfuckery going down.

I'm actually turning down people who once I'd have dreamt of dating.

I'm no hotter now than I've ever been in the past and if anything I'm more damaged than I have ever been (by damaged I mean less naive).

Really I guess this isn't something I should be complaining about, I guess I'm just a little too sceptical to allow my ego to be boosted beyond a certain point, though I can't help but wonder, why now?

Possibly the people in my life have grown to a point where they realise that maybe their lives cannot be fulfilled merely by getting wasted every night?

But that still doesn't explain why I would be some sort of key to fill the void. And if they knew me then why would they think by simply calling me gorgeous that it would somehow rouse my interest?

Clearly I must have been a dry fish back in the day, not the wriggly little shit that I am now.

I think I need to set the record straight and make it as clear as possible that...

People are weirdos.

And they scare me.

I do not want to go out with you.

Please leave me alone.

Come play with... Trying too hard.

It's funny how every relationship/encounter that I've ever had with someone of whom I had a significant instant attraction to always becomes awkward as fuck. It's weird, if you're yourself, just standard goofy little you, you always attract the attention of members of the opposite sex (I specifically say opposite as this does not apply to me personally with same-sex encounters), and when you click on that they might find you endearing then you start to go weird.

Why is it that regardless of who you are or who they are, you become lost for words, suddenly you watch what you say and become worried about what they may think! And before you know it you no longer have anything left to say at all and you're stuck trying to save what it was that you found attractive about them in the first place to find that it was lost somewhere amongst the lust and the butterflies.

It's a sad state of affairs when you become so consumed with lust that you place someone on a pedestal of whom has no place there, and you find yourself changing and HATE it. You're constantly bashing your head against a brick wall trying to remember who you were and to become that bright spark that lighten's their day, to find that you've become an overbearing nag desperate for attention.

What is it about the human brain which makes you instantly feel the need to change yourself once you have identified the current object of your desires? (note how I've used the word object, because they are no longer human, you can no longer identify with them on a personal level and you must now treat them with the utmost tenderness and care, like a Chanel bag.)

I haven't done this in a very long time (baring in mind that I've deliberately dated people that are not necessarily as 'physically' attractive as myself to prevent this) yet now I've decided that I actually would like to be physically attracted to my next lover, I know it's going to come at a cost because this is something embedded into my DNA since the dawn of time.

I shall be sure to do all I can to switch this off, although I know the only way that'll be possible is to never have a relationship. Which is probably best right now. It's just going to be weird since I've been solidly pretty much in long-term relationships since 2010, but I guess we've all got to start somewhere!

To being single! Woo! (Bored already) xx

Come play with... The top 5 things to change when your life becomes shit.

In this post I would like to address the absolute bollocks that you may hear from your 'so-called' peers or even, 'betters'. Life is to be lived! To ensure that you do this to the full ensure that you follow the steps below to get yourself started...

Here are the Top 5 things to change when your life becomes shit.

1. In a relationship? End it. Bad patches are for the weak and needy, why waste your time on something which is not making you happy? Life is too short for mind games and stress, and if you live your life properly you'll be getting that enough from your colleagues/family/tax man. So ensure that you keep shit feelings to a minimum.

2. Your computer. Your computer no longer giving you goosebumps at it's sheer awesomeness? Sell it! If it's still relatively new you can sell it on-line for possibly up to 80% of it's purchase price! You will still need to pay roughly £90 for an iPhone 3GS... That shit was released 4 years ago!

3. Your diet. Constantly feeling lethargic? Eat a fucking banana you lazy bastard.

4. Drink more! A glass of wine a day keeps the doctors away according to a study which states that not only does wine make you an amazing person, and 25% more attractive which increases with every glass, but it also lowers your chance of heart disease! Whey!

5. Connect with people from work/college/uni/parental group/whatever. You'll find out that that annoying kid in the corner is actually amazing (ensure that you follow 4.) and that your colleagues are fabulous divas who you'll have beef on in the office if they are even half as much of a disgrace as you are!

There are many more things I could add. But that would eat into valuable work *cough* drinking *cough* time.

So I hope this helps!

Tra xx

Come Play with Materialistic Things.

Dior

I found that, since my late teens at least, I have become obsessed with materialism and all things sparkly and chic. I guess I could blame this on my old flatmate for introducing me to Sex and the City, aged 17. 

From there I decided that I wanted to become Carrie and move to New York and become awesome in whatever it was that I decided to pursue. It even got so bad that I would end relationships over extremely silly things as I yearned for the 'single girl' lifestyle, which in real life never came to fruition. I would just end up jumping into a new relationship within a few months and the cycle would continue. 

I always wanted to be the independent woman who went out for lunch every day and could sustain a luxurious lifestyle with very little effort and hard work. It's funny though because despite the fact that I wanted to live the idolised 'single, independent, glamorous' lifestyle depicted in the TV show; with mountains of designers, the latest one being more fabulous than the last, I never realised that, for 3 of the main characters at least, all they ever wanted deep down was to find 'true love'. 

I never understood really why the characters were never truly fulfilled despite their success and beautiful outfits and trinkets. It is only later that I realised that all these things are a show for the lack of personal achievement in their lives. It's what you wear that is important, not what you do.

After thinking about this I was in a little musical mood and wrote a song about it, it depicts the lack of emotional empathy with the way in which we obtain these items which give us a so-called pillar to stand on and therefore be the envy of our peers. 

It's written ironically just in case it upsets anyone. It's called Diamonds.

I see my reflection

In the Dior window

All I can see, is envy in me

Of who I would like to be.

Success it costs nothing

Except hard work and graft

But what is the use, any work I refuse

All I want are Jimmy Choos.

I want all things sparkling

I need all things glimmering

Beautiful diamond rings

These are my everything.

People die for these stones

This ensures their worth

I should feel bad, but I’m kind of glad

They’re the best love I’ve ever had.

Labels, designers

Sweatshops rule the land

But I do not care, just that they take care,

When sewing my brand new bag

I want all things sparkling,

I need all things glimmering

Beautiful diamond rings

These are my everything.

Ignorance is bliss,

Move out the homeless

Living in bubbleland

Where everything is grand

There is no poverty

All these things might as well be free

Cheating my way, into the next day

With nothing ever worrying me

I want all things sparkling,

I need all things glimmering

Beautiful diamond rings

These are my everything.

These are my everything.