People spend too much time hiding behind a face of secrecy. It's as if we're all actors in a play feeling what we are scripted to feel, and agreeing with opinions we are told to agree with. Most of all we are told to have a 'stiff upper lip' and are told that 'big boys don't cry' and various other phrases used to ensure that we hide our true emotions from those around us.
Why for I find myself asking?
Why is it such a bad thing to be true to yourself and others around you?
Why should we be constrained to societies norms and standards?
If I want to be sad for no particular reason, why is that bad?
Why do I need a reason to laugh, or cry?
Why should we need to have a particular association with an event or period of time for our thoughts and ideas to be justified and taken on board?
It's the thoughts and emotions of humans which separate us from the rest of all living organisms. In the fact that we hide our feelings, that we are a superior master-race yet we cannot do the simple thing of communicating visually with one another.
Even to this day I constantly find myself repressing my true personality in fear that those around me may not like me, although I've many friends who I have been completely open with and lost several friends due to doing so; I was always happy being an absolute fucking nutcase.
It's weird I feel more emotional now that I do not have these huge explosions of happiness or sadness. I spend most of my time in a kind-of midway road, where I am never sad, and never extensively happy for any significant period of time. If anything I think that due to the fact I have not been severely depressed in a long time, that I feel that I have lost touch with my emotions and my ability to feel.
This probably reads like a midlife crisis.
Maybe it's what it is?
All I know is that the physical emotions that people experience and the expressions they present are the things which make humans beautiful. To find someone who cared so much about someone/something that it drives them to tears, each tear is like a tiny drop of love oozing out of you to be shared with the world. That's what I like to think it is anyway.
I guess I need to find something to proper piss me off to get me out of this emotional
limbolic* state of idleness and mental decline.
Or perhaps I just need to sleep.
Goodbye, xx
*made up a new word, who knew I was fucking Shakespeare?
