People spend too much time hiding behind a face of secrecy. It's as if we're all actors in a play feeling what we are scripted to feel, and agreeing with opinions we are told to agree with. Most of all we are told to have a 'stiff upper lip' and are told that 'big boys don't cry' and various other phrases used to ensure that we hide our true emotions from those around us.
Why for I find myself asking?
Why is it such a bad thing to be true to yourself and others around you?
Why should we be constrained to societies norms and standards?
If I want to be sad for no particular reason, why is that bad?
Why do I need a reason to laugh, or cry?
Why should we need to have a particular association with an event or period of time for our thoughts and ideas to be justified and taken on board?
It's the thoughts and emotions of humans which separate us from the rest of all living organisms. In the fact that we hide our feelings, that we are a superior master-race yet we cannot do the simple thing of communicating visually with one another.
Even to this day I constantly find myself repressing my true personality in fear that those around me may not like me, although I've many friends who I have been completely open with and lost several friends due to doing so; I was always happy being an absolute fucking nutcase.
It's weird I feel more emotional now that I do not have these huge explosions of happiness or sadness. I spend most of my time in a kind-of midway road, where I am never sad, and never extensively happy for any significant period of time. If anything I think that due to the fact I have not been severely depressed in a long time, that I feel that I have lost touch with my emotions and my ability to feel.
This probably reads like a midlife crisis.
Maybe it's what it is?
All I know is that the physical emotions that people experience and the expressions they present are the things which make humans beautiful. To find someone who cared so much about someone/something that it drives them to tears, each tear is like a tiny drop of love oozing out of you to be shared with the world. That's what I like to think it is anyway.
I guess I need to find something to proper piss me off to get me out of this emotional limbolic* state of idleness and mental decline.
Or perhaps I just need to sleep.
Goodbye, xx
*made up a new word, who knew I was fucking Shakespeare?
Thursday 20 June 2013
Come Play... With le Bombay.
Isn't it funny how most music we listen to these days is pretty standard, bouncy bouncy type tunes which may make you feel good, but have no lasting impression on you whatsoever? Then, through the pit of despair of which makes up the current music scene, a song will emerge which touches your heart and leaves a profound emotional footprint which you cannot shake and merely grows stronger with every play.
I found this song a while back if I'm honest, but I thought it would be worth mentioning even just to see if anyone else felt the same? Maybe everyone will have just a select few songs which makes them feel certain emotions which are specific to the individual, and no two people will feel identical after listening to it?
The song with which this entry regards to is a song called 'Leaving Blues' by Bombay Bicycle Club. The weird thing about this song is every time I listen to it I feel this intense sadness and homesickness which I could never have anticipated experiencing. The thing is, I left Newcastle, and my friends & family there, 2 years ago, so why do I miss them so much, now specifically? After all this time?
I've never felt true homesickness like this, it's strange, even when I left everything I knew in London and moved up north, I never felt this way. I feared leaving while I was still there, but after a long train journey up with all my belongings, and about 3 weeks sleep due to being drugged on oxygen, I had pretty much forgotten all about London, until I was 15/16 at least.
If anything, by writing this I feel a trend developing, it's as if after spending a few years away from where you came, you analyse your life and question as to why you left in the first place? I fought it when addressing this feeling first time round, as I felt like I was forced to leave London without a choice, I grew bitter with the situation despite knowing deep down it was the best decision that was ever made for me.
But now as this particular move was my choice and mine alone, I find myself torn between wanting to go back to Newcastle, back to my old life, when I was younger, my friends were all still around and I could handle my drink better; and the bright flashing lights of London and all the hope and success that I may find there. After being fine all this time, I'm struggling to be happy where I am, here in Manchester, despite the wonderful people I have met and have the privilege to call my friends & partner.
I guess history is just repeating itself, and I need to look into this a little more carefully to prevent repeated mistakes.
Well thank you very much Bombay Bicycle Club!
In case you hadn't yet heard this beautiful song, please check out the video below. It's truly moving.
I found this song a while back if I'm honest, but I thought it would be worth mentioning even just to see if anyone else felt the same? Maybe everyone will have just a select few songs which makes them feel certain emotions which are specific to the individual, and no two people will feel identical after listening to it?
The song with which this entry regards to is a song called 'Leaving Blues' by Bombay Bicycle Club. The weird thing about this song is every time I listen to it I feel this intense sadness and homesickness which I could never have anticipated experiencing. The thing is, I left Newcastle, and my friends & family there, 2 years ago, so why do I miss them so much, now specifically? After all this time?
I've never felt true homesickness like this, it's strange, even when I left everything I knew in London and moved up north, I never felt this way. I feared leaving while I was still there, but after a long train journey up with all my belongings, and about 3 weeks sleep due to being drugged on oxygen, I had pretty much forgotten all about London, until I was 15/16 at least.
If anything, by writing this I feel a trend developing, it's as if after spending a few years away from where you came, you analyse your life and question as to why you left in the first place? I fought it when addressing this feeling first time round, as I felt like I was forced to leave London without a choice, I grew bitter with the situation despite knowing deep down it was the best decision that was ever made for me.
But now as this particular move was my choice and mine alone, I find myself torn between wanting to go back to Newcastle, back to my old life, when I was younger, my friends were all still around and I could handle my drink better; and the bright flashing lights of London and all the hope and success that I may find there. After being fine all this time, I'm struggling to be happy where I am, here in Manchester, despite the wonderful people I have met and have the privilege to call my friends & partner.
I guess history is just repeating itself, and I need to look into this a little more carefully to prevent repeated mistakes.
Well thank you very much Bombay Bicycle Club!
In case you hadn't yet heard this beautiful song, please check out the video below. It's truly moving.
Now your back's to the road
The waiting's everything you know
I'm sure you know that I'm leaving
Riding home everyday
Sure in a cinematic way
Breathing the smoke of the train
Keep the thought of you aflame
I'm sure you know that I'm leaving
Curse God for my regret
I miss you indefinite
Not once did I think that
Love would stay til I come back
Now your back's to the road
The waiting's everything you know
I'm sure you know that I'm leaving
Bye, until next time...
Corky xx
Tuesday 18 June 2013
Come Play in A New Adventure!
As some of my friends may have been aware I was in a band for several years (or 2, for the truly olden days of 'The Funky Monkeys' in which I played the sax in 2006/07ish). I left my first love (Toronto Sun) to pursue a career in academia (moved home for uni). As I became bored with uni and subsequently failed, I have spent the last year essentially bumming around, working in various call centers as a stop-gap as I plan my next move.
Recently I decided to respond to several Ad's on ye' olde tree of gum and had a bloke get back to me with regards to a collaboration with a few musicians in the area. I sent him to my old Myspace as I have a track on there which was an acoustic track from my old band with just me and Adam on guitar and he said he liked my vocal style...
- side note, no one has ever said that, not even the members of my old band, so either he's a perv, or he's deaf, or he's a genius. I hope it is the latter ;).
... and wanted to do a jam session, so I thought, awesome! I heard some of his stuff, not all too much to my liking, it's good, but it's just maybe a little TOO indie for me, but these sessions are good to mold people and force people to play what you want!*
So I'm going along after work on the 23rd of June for our first jam session with this new 'band'. Things are about to become awesome once again...
In case you were curious to see how we "molded" Adam, please watch the following video, it is me miming humorously along to one of his proper crap songs:
Then watch this...
LOL!
See you next time!
Love, Corky.
XOXO
Recently I decided to respond to several Ad's on ye' olde tree of gum and had a bloke get back to me with regards to a collaboration with a few musicians in the area. I sent him to my old Myspace as I have a track on there which was an acoustic track from my old band with just me and Adam on guitar and he said he liked my vocal style...
- side note, no one has ever said that, not even the members of my old band, so either he's a perv, or he's deaf, or he's a genius. I hope it is the latter ;).
... and wanted to do a jam session, so I thought, awesome! I heard some of his stuff, not all too much to my liking, it's good, but it's just maybe a little TOO indie for me, but these sessions are good to mold people and force people to play what you want!*
So I'm going along after work on the 23rd of June for our first jam session with this new 'band'. Things are about to become awesome once again...
In case you were curious to see how we "molded" Adam, please watch the following video, it is me miming humorously along to one of his proper crap songs:
Then watch this...
LOL!
See you next time!
Love, Corky.
XOXO
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