Come play… with Winnie's Lovely Labour-Fruits

It’s gotten to that time of year again, that big rush to get all the assignments finished up and getting into some hard-core revision in order to prep for the winter finals.

(Is there anyone else who has their mid-term exams before the winter holidays rather than after?)

And now I have found another reason to blog, one of the two only reasons, procrastination.

(The other is boredom, obviously)

And I cannot wait to get the next two weeks out of the way and then have three GLORIOUS weeks to breathe, get my notes together and enter the New Year prepared and fresh. Though, knowing me I’ll be hungover and hiding away from the world.

I haven’t been genuinely hungover in several months now. And it’s not due to lack of drinking, I’ve just gotten a little older and now understand why grown-ups feel the need to have a pint/glass of wine or two at the end of each day.

Because adult life it puwar shite. And I’m supposed to be a fucking student!

(Damn me wasting all my time drinking and clubbing in my late teens/early 20’s. I’m really suffering for it now playing catch up with my studies. -_-)

But fuck it, if there’s anyone who has a genuine interest in electronics and essay writing then please get in contact and I shall pay you in beer… or IOU’s for beer, redeemable upon my graduation and employment in a job that doesn’t include me waiting tables and listening to farmers complaining about the decreasing price of milk.

Now I guess I better get back to work… I keep a photograph of my Nan’s Christmas Dinner beautifully framed within my mind to help get me through this time, before I go I will quickly procrastinate further by creating a countdown clock for when I shall be sat at the dinner table awaiting fruits of her labour.

(Me Nan's lovely labour-fruits)

Tra for now kids!

Corky xx

Come play… in Copenhagen.

It has been several weeks since I had the pleasure to visit potentially one of the most beautiful capital cities in Europe, Copenhagen.

Me and my boyfriend flew via Ryanair on a Boeing 737-800.

(I’m pretty sure this is the only aircraft type for Ryanair’s entire fleet!) 

On the day following the events in Paris on the 13^th of November. If anything we were feeling a little worried, I’m a pretty seasoned flyer so I’ve never had any fears before, but watching so many armed police walking around the airport put me on edge a little.

Then I remembered that I was at Luton Airport, literally the shittest airport in the UK, so I doubt it would be on any list of places to be attacked considering it is within 100miles of the 4 superior “London” airports. 

After I gouged down on a Bacon Double Cheeseburger my attention was taken by a more pressing issue, my bowels.

After a good half an hour or so I came up for air and was good to go. We got on a plane and flew to Denmark. It was a fairly uneventful journey except when the aircraft was coming to land and the aircraft did a U-turn after flying over the city at low altitude now above the sea. You could literally see the tide crashing against the shore as we were in a pretty steep U-ie. That was pretty awesome.

Then we landed, and we were in sheer awe of how beautiful and awesome Copenhagen airport was! 

Also heads up, if you’re travelling from the UK to Denmark, get your currency there, we were ripped off about £20 by changing our money at the Post Office. You can get a much better rate at the airport believe it or not!

Then we headed straight for town, incredibly, within 15 minutes we went from the airport to Copenhagen Central Station (and unlike Berlin, it WAS literally idiot-proof). 

As soon as we walked out into the street we could see a sea of cyclists going about their business on their own dedicated pathways, it was an amazing sight to see, the size of the main roads are pretty huge too, its amazing the differences in European cities that have developed and grown after the wide adoption of the auto mobile as a main form of transport. 

Cities like Copenhagen and Berlin just make more sense in that way, something the more western countries could learn from, though it’s probably too late now.

We also caught sight of the impressive Tivoli Gardens, which I insisted that we needed to visit as a top priority, but we needed to walk towards our hostel, as travelling had taken its toll on our little bodies and we wanted to be fresh for our first day of exploring. 

We stayed at the Bedwood Hostel for two nights, and it was a very cosy and chic looking establishment. Funnily enough looking at the reviews people seemed to complain about the lack of shower facilities, when we were staying the entire hostel was fully booked and I assure you that we had no problems at all regarding any of the facilities. 

There was also a really cool hand towel dispenser, where you had to wave in front of it and it gave you towel paper, unfortunately due to this cool alienesque contraption, we probably ended up using a tree’s worth of paper before the novelty wore off.

Anyway, once we were in and settled, we thought we should go for a little exploration, it was kind of mad to think that our hostel was literally a 5 minute walk straight down the road to the French Embassy. So many flowers, candles, notes and soft toys had been laid there and the flags were flown at half-mast. 

Maybe I was just tired, but something in me just balled up and my eyes were streaming beyond any masking possibilities. I think I was not only emotional about what happened but also happy that people so far away took the time to write the messages and show their respect for a fellow nation who had dealt with such a tragic situation. It was truly a beautiful and powerful sight. And it spoke volumes about Danes as a people, I fell in love with the city there and then.

Over the following two days we toured the city, with the lovely Roger as our guide, if you want to learn about the city I’d highly recommend the Green Umbrella Tours. They’re free, though I’d recommend that you have some money with you as a form of a tip, though this is by no means compulsory. 

We wandered the food stalls, the bars, the river, Christian the 4^th’s Palace and Gardens, the universities observatory & other buildings, the Christmas markets and the highlight of the visit, the Tivoli Gardens. 

There was a water and lightshow, where it appears that the water is dancing to the music of the Nutcracker. I literally felt like I was in some sort of fairy tale. We were lucky enough to be joined by Kamils friends who happened to live only 30 minutes away in Malmo, Sweden. He worked with Ann in hospitality in Manchester and she was from Malmo and had returned home as (like the rest of us) she had gotten sick of Manchester.

It was really cool considering how close they were yet they were in a different country (it’s not like England and Scotland, they have a different Language, Currency, everything).

Ann and Rubin made our trip so special, it’s amazing how much of a difference it makes to meet up with friends abroad. Plus Kamil hates fairground rides, so Rubin took one for the team by getting on a few with me. He’s a good lad. 

We let Ann off since she was heavily pregnant, I personally thought it might have been a good idea for her to go on a ride, help the baby get a move on and all that, but apparently that is irresponsible. This is why I am not ready for children myself.

But yeah, Copenhagen also has Boris Bikes that make Boris Bikes look like Bloody Ratchet Bikes in comparison.

We then went home, and cried. I could honestly write so much more but I don't think anyone is reading this anymore, so yeah, we went home.

Denmark, we love you.

Kamil & Corky xx

Come play… With blog reunion/life updates.

It’s funny I always used to think that my favourite time of year was the season of summer. However as I have gotten older I have come to realise that is isn’t the case at all. I spend all of my time at home sweating like a pig because in Britain we haven’t decided that it is quite hot enough, long enough to warrant any AC devices within our homes. Which is bollocks.

This is the first summer that I have spent mostly unemployed bar the odd bit of temp work and I feel like I’m 14 again with the significant amount of acne developing above my brow. Caused by a mixture of sweat and boredom most likely.

Despite this lack of things to do I have still managed to procrastinate my way out of blogging, which I’m really sad about because I read through my old posts and read the thoughts of a unsure and hurting young lady, who is constantly tittering on the cusp between optimism and realism.

University life had not turned out to be all she expected and as a result she dropped out to work full time. Gaining employment within a series of customer service environments where no matter how many hours she worked she could still not cover the bills and rent. To this day she is still probably being chased by a certain local authority, whom of which she used to avoid paying council tax to.

However over the last year my life has been pretty incredible, I’ve had opportunities which had never presented themselves prior to now. Last August Kamil and I toured the country, 6 cities (Glasgow, Edinburgh, Newcastle, Brighton, London & Bristol) in 7 days, 1050miles, mostly on Megabus.

That was a sweet holiday, though by the time we made it to our final destination in Bristol, Kamil passed out on the SS Great Britain and I had to drag him back to the hostel. I guess the previous 6 days of travelling just took its toll on him. So we decided that we would revisit Bristol at some point but to this day 1 year on we still haven’t gotten around to it.

But after that we moved from Manchester to Newmarket, I started Uni again for the second time and we got jobs outside of customer service. Newmarket was a bit crap so we moved to a village on the outskirts of Cambridge. We got an Astra called Roxie (think Police) and a pair of ratties called Vince and Jules (think Pulp Fiction). And we’ve all lived happily ever after thus far.

I had a pretty devastating personal loss in April, unfortunately in the middle of my exams, so I had to re-sit two of my exams at the back end of May. Considering everything I’m still so proud that I managed to get through and pass them all on the first attempt, it was a really tough time for me but I know that over the past 4 years I’d worked so hard to get to that point, so I just did the best I could, and that was enough.

It definitely signified the worthwhileness of staying back until midnight at uni to get all my assignments in on time; and finished to a standard that was not only acceptable but that I was proud to have my name attached to the cover sheet.

Kamil and I also went on a tour this year in May (it was a busy month) around Poland, but started our journey in Berlin. It was an amazing adventure and we both decided by the end that when I graduate it was going to be a toss-up between Berlin and Wroclaw as to where we would move next.

I think Berlin still wins just because German is a much easier language for me to pick up and for now the wages are still significantly higher in western Europe, and I kind of hope it stays that way just for the fact that you can get a pack of Lucky Strikes in Poland for 14zl, or £2.50. Also Kamil has lived in Wroclaw before so it’s always better to live somewhere new for both of us. Frankly I’d love to share more about this trip, but we made a video vlog of our journey which is still being edited. I feel it tells the story better.

In more recent news I passed my first year with a grade above my personal target of 63% (I just wanted a strong 2:1 this year, anything else extra was a bonus), and I finally achieved my dream of purchasing my very own Vespa. Her name is Martha (think The Beatles) and she is currently in storage with my uncle until I pass (hopefully!) my CBT on Thursday.

I went on and on last year about getting a scooter at uni and I’m glad to say that I officially own one; after the past 9 months of doing 7 day weeks between uni and work in order to save up! Unfortunately now I am skint, but I presume that she’ll be my most extravagant purchase prior to graduation. So in that sense she was worth it :)

So as you can see life has been pretty amazing. It’s funny how you only really feel the need to write down your thoughts when you’re sad, I guess I’m not really one for taking selfies either (Kamil is in charge of that). Though people take the piss out of others taking photos of themselves I love looking back at photographs of when we first got together and how exciting the whole scenario was. I guess it’s been a rarity for me to be so happy for this long that I feel the need to take it in rather than constantly document it.

But I guess now I’ve realised how important it is to do so, so through the bad days you can re-read these memories from when they were fresh to provide prospective and get you through.

I will definitely try to keep this up. And hopefully it won’t be so long next time.

Bye for now!

Corky xx

Come play… With Anxiety

As I’m writing this, I find myself with a strange sense of uneasiness. I found myself yawning almost constantly, with my heart feeling like its racing, fingers tingling, and almost certain that I’m dying.

I’ve grown to hate my job, I nearly had a breakdown (actually, I had an ACTUAL breakdown) at the prospect of even entering that office. I’m always fine by the time I get in there, and when I’m leaving I feel like I want to crawl up in a ball and never be disturbed. Either that or shop until I’ve spent the days earnings on another bag or pair of shoes. Which renders the whole exercise entirely pointless.

The job itself isn’t even all that difficult, I just find myself forgetting stupid things, and I have the inherent need to be the best, the most efficient, always moving forward. But as I’m working so hard through the week at uni, it feels like every weekend it feels like a month since I’ve last been in there. So I find myself constantly having to relearn my job.

And then when I make mistakes it is always noticed almost immediately and I am penalised for it, rather than anyone actually looking into why I make said mistakes and offering support and advice into how to combat these issues.

But instead I feel like a huge failure, and to make it worse my managers like to remind me of that fact each and every shift. My confidence is at its lowest point and I’m constantly wishing that I could be anywhere other than where I am. I find myself feeling like I’m going to have a panic attack every Saturday morning, and I cannot wait until I can get back to uni and spend my days feeling fulfilled and positive. Rather than lost and withdrawn.

One of my lecturers told us that he’s never had a job that he hated, because life’s too short, especially when you spend the majority of your conscious existence working. And you cannot be the best you can be when you hate what you do.

Every shift for the last month I’ve told myself I’ve got to hand my notice in. But that would admit that I failed. I know that any of my old mentors would tell me that it’s not I who failed, it is they, who failed me, for not having the capability to assume the slightest bit of compassion to an employee whose spirit they have completely crushed with their lack of acknowledgement of what they are putting us through on a daily basis.

Perhaps I’ve just been spoilt by working with companies that actually value the people who are making them money. Then again that explains why they were multimillion pound businesses while these guys are struggling to break-even.

I think the fact that I’ve spent the length of time to pine over the matter to the extent of spending my Saturday night writing this short essay is reason enough for me to let this go down as a moment in history where I made the wrong decision and take from the experience that I shouldn’t accept a job just because the pay is half decent.

Well. Lesson learned.

Come play... With being suffocated by routine.

I'm finding myself feel like something  needs to desperately change as soon as possible. I am being driven to madness by the monotony of my days. Uni, dinner, bed (x4) work, dinner, bed (x2) with Mondays off to do nothing because I  need a whole day to get that done.

I wish I could travel like I used to. I think it might be time to invest in a railcard so I  can see my homegirls that I miss so much.

I feel like I'm living in a sausage factory and I'm getting strangled by them.

I just need a girl in my life that I can be  comfortable to be as hormonal as fuck around and they'd understand. Instead of constantly feeling paranoid and fucked up because I'm on medication which is known to exasperate the symptoms of  schizophrenia as well as replicate those with bipolar.

I just feel like my life is just killing me, crushing me slowly into this abyss of depression which I need to get out of  somehow.

I'm on steroids for my asthma at the  moment because I couldn't breathe comfortably, for several weeks. So I went to the doctors last friday and he prescribed me with Prednisolone tablets  (steroids).

Unfortunately the side effects are fucking  awful, probably explaining why I feel the way I feel and why I am not coping very well.

The main side effects of these pills are on the attached leaflet.

They state that steroids including these tablets can cause serious mental health problems. These are common in both adults and children they can affect about 5 in every 100 people taking medicines. The examples they provided are:

Feeling depressed including thinking about suicide.

Feeling high (mania) or moods that go up and down.

Feeling anxious, having problems sleeping, difficulty in thinking or being confused and losing your memory.

Feeling, seeing or hearing things which do not exist. Having strange and frightening thoughts, changing how you act or having feelings of being alone.

Definitely feel like I've had a mix of all of the above over the past week on the roids. Perhaps I should probably ask for something else.

On the upside i've been able to breathe though so it's always a juggling act isn't it? Mental health or physical health? Which one is more important?

Drugs are bad kids!

I'm probably completely fine but in the meantime company might be good right now.

Bye.

Come Play With... Haters (Wonder why I don't want to live in a shared house anymore?/Why I couldn't wait to leave Manchester? This was written a year ago and those mentioned have since been deleted from my life).

The one thing I love about haters, is the fact that despite their incredibly busy schedules, they still manage to find the time to read my blog posts and either slag me off or complain to me about it. Well frankly I could not give a single fuck of what your opinion may be about me or what I write. Because at least I've got the fucking balls to say how I feel, and leave myself open to discussion.

The one thing I hated about school, was the politics, and the strangest thing is, at Mortimer Comprehensive, I found at least, the boys to be far more bitchy and snide than the girls ever were. The one thing I LOVED about the girls at that school is that they gave ZERO fucks about what anyone thought of them. And I loved hearing their stories of sex in the bus shelter by CineWorld (I think it was still the Empire back then or something) and how they would have underage sex with their 18 year old boyfriends in their Skodas after a long evening of driving up and down Ocean Road.

I used to get the odd frigid comment here and there for being in a relationship for the longest period of time in Mortimer Comprehensive history (3 months at the time) and still not going all the way despite the fact that I was still 14. Though, looking back, especially with all the paedophile stories in the news recently, it's actually kind of terrifying how open to sex we were, but the word 'slag' was only really used in passing, but never with true intent because we were just open about it all and we'd have a lot of smashed greenhouses if it was really meant.

The boys were really bitchy because they were always just trying to get into every girls pants, and I received frequent phone calls from a guy I was datings best friend, telling me how much of an arsehole he was in some desperate attempt to try to steal me from him, mind this all died down by year 10, when we all grew up.

But it does appear that while we all grew up, that there are a lot of sad pathetic individuals out there who are still living a shallow life of stunted adolescence. Where all they can do is say destructive comments in order to attempt to bring you down and make you feel bad about yourself.

Well fuck you ALL OF THE PEOPLE WHO SLAG ME OFF BEHIND MY BACK AND THEN BE NICE TO MY FACE AND THINK THAT I AM TOO IGNORANT NOT TO NOTICE YOUR BULLSHIT! I KNOW YOU'RE DOING IT AND IT IS ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC.

What's hilarious too is the fact that you all slag each other off, to me.

Well grow up or fuck off because I'm not spending another year dealing with your childish bullshit.

Come Play... Phapping in the Office

I'm sat at work today waiting for the work to come in. It’s kind of nice really as it’s my first Sunday in a while where I'm not tearing my hair out being overloaded with work. Instead I have time to write, I could go through my uni notes and revise, but I'm already at work fuck sakes and I'm feeling just on that edge between wired and hung over and in this place it is very difficult to take in anything new.

As I sit here I think about last night, my friend got really sad because we were having a drinks party and her boyfriend went AWOL, apparently we’re not cool enough. I said a lot worse but I bloody well hope he’s not dead or I’d feel totes bad, but tbf that’s the only thing that could explain why he left. 

Either that or he’s just a penis.

I forgot what it was like to be in a bit of a weird relationship, she was so sad because he embarrassed her by saying he was going to go to the shops to get supplies and never came back. 

I’m sorry but it’s totally more, or equally at least, as embarrassing as to have a boyfriend on Facebook for 10 days, and then get Facebook dumped; in your twenties.

It’s funny when you’re more sad because of sheer humiliation than due to the loss, it just shows really how little it mattered.

Mind, these days I've realised, that smelly beards and greasy hair aren't that attractive anyway, and it’s hardly even alternative as everyone’s doing it. 

It won’t be long till the hipsters will be growing beards ‘ironically’.

But yeah, that’s all that’s really on my mind, aside from being in the workshop all next week, in my pure geet sexy overalls that has so many pockets it could star in its own porno. Marshall’s Aerospace logo n all. I think that might be fun, provided this hang over is fully shifted and I don’t end up drinking more tonight.

New year, Drunk me should be the saying.

 So far I have spent more time this year either hung over/inebriated than sober. Which is why I'm fat and covered in acne. 

On the upside I'm fucking hilarious, which is a requirement for the less physically fortunate portion of society.

Anyway, I should probably do some work, I wonder if I had a phap in the office if anyone would notice? 

Probably shouldn't, since I've written it on the internet.

Bye.