Once the clock hits 12 tonight I will be 1 month sober! Funnily enough, I never thought of myself as an alcoholic, but I'd never stretch so far as to say I was only a moderate drinker. Especially over the month of December last year, when I ended up taking on more shifts at work at the pub and consequently, supplied myself with plenty of free booze (all legit of course).
However, I noticed that my drinking was starting to take it's toll when I'd find myself going through a bottle of wine at least a night. I had this issue where I could say no to a glass, however once a single one was consumed, the bottle could not be left unfinished. When considering the term of the glass being half full or half empty, in my case, the BOTTLE, should be neither, it should always, be completely, FULL, and then, EMPTY, and then another sourced to be devoured without delay!
This was all fine and well, I suppose, in my teens and early twenties, however now I have reached the year that I should (hopefully!) hit my 25th year of existence on this planet, and with my life not having turned out entirely as planned, still juggling bar jobs with my studies at university, whilst most of my peers had graduated a long time ago and are getting well and truly stuck in to their careers, I found a sober moment to contemplate my life choices and deliberate them in detail.
I thought about all the key points in my life that had lead me down then path that I find myself on. Why didn't I reach my predicted grade in school or college? Why didn't I pass my first year in university first time around? And why did I choose to work in customer service for 3 years instead of push myself to get a job I had any remote interest in?
Then I noticed a running theme, I started drinking 3 months before I was due to take my GCSE's, spending the majority of my free time down the beach with my friends getting wasted on Bella or Glen's vodka. Instead of attempting to revise for my exams. How I managed to pass them all (though some just barely) I'll never know.
This trend followed suit through college, especially once I moved out from home. Most of my 16th and 17th years of life are a blur, with only photographs on MySpace and Facebook to remind me that I got off with the majority of my friendship group and was lucky that I never ended up getting smacked by anyone since my actions were similar to that of an infant child pouring drinks over myself and just about anyone within a 5 meter radius of me.
Subsequently I failed my A Levels, no surprise there.
Then I gave myself 4 months to think long and hard about what I wanted to do with my life, and I stumbled across the Aerospace Engineering Btec at Newcastle College. It looked and turned out to be, pretty awesome, well, for the 43% of the time that I attended, the remaining 57% of the time I was either inebriated, or hungover. Due to the high quality of my level of work when I did bother to attend, I was predicted a DM (Distinction Merit) however, due to the course being mostly being put on the back burner behind my budding social life, I only ended up with a MP (Merit Pass). Which is barely acceptable for most universities and required me to do a foundation year where ever I decided to go. I can only assume that it was due to "positive discrimination" that I got into Manchester, because I didn't even hit their very lenient conditional offer target of a MM.
In my defence, I screwed up in Manchester predominantly due to financial issues, I didn't receive a single payment from Student Finance until March the following year after my course started, and I relied entirely on handouts from my fairly cash strapped estranged (according to the law at least, but not so much in real life) father. Most of this money ended up in my local bar, and I only decided to pull my finger out and do some real work one my payment came through, far too late, being unable to pick up the marks squandered from the first semester.
Once I received my confirmation from Manchester University that I'd not be allowed to resit the year, as they didn't consider financial difficulty to be a mitigating circumstance, I found myself at a real low point, and did what I always did when I was down in the dumps. I got drunk,
From that point I scowered the internet to find any job I could, and ended up doing the only job that those with wasted talent end up doing... I went into customer service.
I then spent as I said 3 years of my life getting up, going to work, hating work, finding kindred spirits in the form of my colleagues who also hated the work, finished, went out and got mind numbingly drunk with said colleagues and woke up hungover and miserable at the thought of going through the whole charade all over again.
But I persevered, I needed the money to pay for the booze, and after rent, that's what 90% of my salary went on.
After this time I eventually got fed up and decided to go back to university again. Which I have done, and completed my first year of last summer. The first real achievement that I have been able to put under my belt in 5 years. But the road ahead is still long, and as I grow older I find that now not just my body, but also my mind was being affected by my relationship with alcohol.
I constantly found myself stressed and uneasy, breakdowns in my job and at university were a frequent occurrence as I struggled to complete tasks or assignments with a hangover. And as I had my last breakdown at work in the middle of last month...
I decided enough was enough.
I needed to stop drinking. And not just cut down, I mean completely stop due to my entire lack of self control.
So I did. For 31 days for the month of January 2016.
And what did I find?
That drinking yourself into oblivion is fucking stupid.
I also saved 65 quid.
Showing posts with label University. Show all posts
Showing posts with label University. Show all posts
Sunday, 31 January 2016
Thursday, 10 December 2015
Come play… with Winnie's Lovely Labour-Fruits
It’s gotten to that time of year again, that big rush to get all the assignments finished up and getting into some hard-core revision in order to prep for the winter finals.
(Is there anyone else who has their mid-term exams before the winter holidays rather than after?)
And now I have found another reason to blog, one of the two only reasons, procrastination.
(The other is boredom, obviously)
And I cannot wait to get the next two weeks out of the way and then have three GLORIOUS weeks to breathe, get my notes together and enter the New Year prepared and fresh. Though, knowing me I’ll be hungover and hiding away from the world.
I haven’t been genuinely hungover in several months now. And it’s not due to lack of drinking, I’ve just gotten a little older and now understand why grown-ups feel the need to have a pint/glass of wine or two at the end of each day.
Because adult life it puwar shite. And I’m supposed to be a fucking student!
(Damn me wasting all my time drinking and clubbing in my late teens/early 20’s. I’m really suffering for it now playing catch up with my studies. -_-)
But fuck it, if there’s anyone who has a genuine interest in electronics and essay writing then please get in contact and I shall pay you in beer… or IOU’s for beer, redeemable upon my graduation and employment in a job that doesn’t include me waiting tables and listening to farmers complaining about the decreasing price of milk.
Now I guess I better get back to work… I keep a photograph of my Nan’s Christmas Dinner beautifully framed within my mind to help get me through this time, before I go I will quickly procrastinate further by creating a countdown clock for when I shall be sat at the dinner table awaiting fruits of her labour.
(Is there anyone else who has their mid-term exams before the winter holidays rather than after?)
And now I have found another reason to blog, one of the two only reasons, procrastination.
(The other is boredom, obviously)
And I cannot wait to get the next two weeks out of the way and then have three GLORIOUS weeks to breathe, get my notes together and enter the New Year prepared and fresh. Though, knowing me I’ll be hungover and hiding away from the world.
I haven’t been genuinely hungover in several months now. And it’s not due to lack of drinking, I’ve just gotten a little older and now understand why grown-ups feel the need to have a pint/glass of wine or two at the end of each day.
Because adult life it puwar shite. And I’m supposed to be a fucking student!
(Damn me wasting all my time drinking and clubbing in my late teens/early 20’s. I’m really suffering for it now playing catch up with my studies. -_-)
But fuck it, if there’s anyone who has a genuine interest in electronics and essay writing then please get in contact and I shall pay you in beer… or IOU’s for beer, redeemable upon my graduation and employment in a job that doesn’t include me waiting tables and listening to farmers complaining about the decreasing price of milk.
Now I guess I better get back to work… I keep a photograph of my Nan’s Christmas Dinner beautifully framed within my mind to help get me through this time, before I go I will quickly procrastinate further by creating a countdown clock for when I shall be sat at the dinner table awaiting fruits of her labour.
(Me Nan's lovely labour-fruits)
Tra for now kids!
Corky xx
Wednesday, 12 August 2015
Come play… With blog reunion/life updates.
It’s funny I always used to think that my favourite time of year was the season of summer. However as I have gotten older I have come to realise that is isn’t the case at all. I spend all of my time at home sweating like a pig because in Britain we haven’t decided that it is quite hot enough, long enough to warrant any AC devices within our homes. Which is bollocks.
This is the first summer that I have spent mostly unemployed bar the odd bit of temp work and I feel like I’m 14 again with the significant amount of acne developing above my brow. Caused by a mixture of sweat and boredom most likely.
Despite this lack of things to do I have still managed to procrastinate my way out of blogging, which I’m really sad about because I read through my old posts and read the thoughts of a unsure and hurting young lady, who is constantly tittering on the cusp between optimism and realism.
University life had not turned out to be all she expected and as a result she dropped out to work full time. Gaining employment within a series of customer service environments where no matter how many hours she worked she could still not cover the bills and rent. To this day she is still probably being chased by a certain local authority, whom of which she used to avoid paying council tax to.
However over the last year my life has been pretty incredible, I’ve had opportunities which had never presented themselves prior to now. Last August Kamil and I toured the country, 6 cities (Glasgow, Edinburgh, Newcastle, Brighton, London & Bristol) in 7 days, 1050miles, mostly on Megabus.
That was a sweet holiday, though by the time we made it to our final destination in Bristol, Kamil passed out on the SS Great Britain and I had to drag him back to the hostel. I guess the previous 6 days of travelling just took its toll on him. So we decided that we would revisit Bristol at some point but to this day 1 year on we still haven’t gotten around to it.
But after that we moved from Manchester to Newmarket, I started Uni again for the second time and we got jobs outside of customer service. Newmarket was a bit crap so we moved to a village on the outskirts of Cambridge. We got an Astra called Roxie (think Police) and a pair of ratties called Vince and Jules (think Pulp Fiction). And we’ve all lived happily ever after thus far.
I had a pretty devastating personal loss in April, unfortunately in the middle of my exams, so I had to re-sit two of my exams at the back end of May. Considering everything I’m still so proud that I managed to get through and pass them all on the first attempt, it was a really tough time for me but I know that over the past 4 years I’d worked so hard to get to that point, so I just did the best I could, and that was enough.
It definitely signified the worthwhileness of staying back until midnight at uni to get all my assignments in on time; and finished to a standard that was not only acceptable but that I was proud to have my name attached to the cover sheet.
Kamil and I also went on a tour this year in May (it was a busy month) around Poland, but started our journey in Berlin. It was an amazing adventure and we both decided by the end that when I graduate it was going to be a toss-up between Berlin and Wroclaw as to where we would move next.
I think Berlin still wins just because German is a much easier language for me to pick up and for now the wages are still significantly higher in western Europe, and I kind of hope it stays that way just for the fact that you can get a pack of Lucky Strikes in Poland for 14zl, or £2.50. Also Kamil has lived in Wroclaw before so it’s always better to live somewhere new for both of us. Frankly I’d love to share more about this trip, but we made a video vlog of our journey which is still being edited. I feel it tells the story better.
In more recent news I passed my first year with a grade above my personal target of 63% (I just wanted a strong 2:1 this year, anything else extra was a bonus), and I finally achieved my dream of purchasing my very own Vespa. Her name is Martha (think The Beatles) and she is currently in storage with my uncle until I pass (hopefully!) my CBT on Thursday.
I went on and on last year about getting a scooter at uni and I’m glad to say that I officially own one; after the past 9 months of doing 7 day weeks between uni and work in order to save up! Unfortunately now I am skint, but I presume that she’ll be my most extravagant purchase prior to graduation. So in that sense she was worth it :)
So as you can see life has been pretty amazing. It’s funny how you only really feel the need to write down your thoughts when you’re sad, I guess I’m not really one for taking selfies either (Kamil is in charge of that). Though people take the piss out of others taking photos of themselves I love looking back at photographs of when we first got together and how exciting the whole scenario was. I guess it’s been a rarity for me to be so happy for this long that I feel the need to take it in rather than constantly document it.
But I guess now I’ve realised how important it is to do so, so through the bad days you can re-read these memories from when they were fresh to provide prospective and get you through.
I will definitely try to keep this up. And hopefully it won’t be so long next time.
Bye for now!
Corky xx
This is the first summer that I have spent mostly unemployed bar the odd bit of temp work and I feel like I’m 14 again with the significant amount of acne developing above my brow. Caused by a mixture of sweat and boredom most likely.
Despite this lack of things to do I have still managed to procrastinate my way out of blogging, which I’m really sad about because I read through my old posts and read the thoughts of a unsure and hurting young lady, who is constantly tittering on the cusp between optimism and realism.
University life had not turned out to be all she expected and as a result she dropped out to work full time. Gaining employment within a series of customer service environments where no matter how many hours she worked she could still not cover the bills and rent. To this day she is still probably being chased by a certain local authority, whom of which she used to avoid paying council tax to.
However over the last year my life has been pretty incredible, I’ve had opportunities which had never presented themselves prior to now. Last August Kamil and I toured the country, 6 cities (Glasgow, Edinburgh, Newcastle, Brighton, London & Bristol) in 7 days, 1050miles, mostly on Megabus.
That was a sweet holiday, though by the time we made it to our final destination in Bristol, Kamil passed out on the SS Great Britain and I had to drag him back to the hostel. I guess the previous 6 days of travelling just took its toll on him. So we decided that we would revisit Bristol at some point but to this day 1 year on we still haven’t gotten around to it.
But after that we moved from Manchester to Newmarket, I started Uni again for the second time and we got jobs outside of customer service. Newmarket was a bit crap so we moved to a village on the outskirts of Cambridge. We got an Astra called Roxie (think Police) and a pair of ratties called Vince and Jules (think Pulp Fiction). And we’ve all lived happily ever after thus far.
I had a pretty devastating personal loss in April, unfortunately in the middle of my exams, so I had to re-sit two of my exams at the back end of May. Considering everything I’m still so proud that I managed to get through and pass them all on the first attempt, it was a really tough time for me but I know that over the past 4 years I’d worked so hard to get to that point, so I just did the best I could, and that was enough.
It definitely signified the worthwhileness of staying back until midnight at uni to get all my assignments in on time; and finished to a standard that was not only acceptable but that I was proud to have my name attached to the cover sheet.
Kamil and I also went on a tour this year in May (it was a busy month) around Poland, but started our journey in Berlin. It was an amazing adventure and we both decided by the end that when I graduate it was going to be a toss-up between Berlin and Wroclaw as to where we would move next.
I think Berlin still wins just because German is a much easier language for me to pick up and for now the wages are still significantly higher in western Europe, and I kind of hope it stays that way just for the fact that you can get a pack of Lucky Strikes in Poland for 14zl, or £2.50. Also Kamil has lived in Wroclaw before so it’s always better to live somewhere new for both of us. Frankly I’d love to share more about this trip, but we made a video vlog of our journey which is still being edited. I feel it tells the story better.
In more recent news I passed my first year with a grade above my personal target of 63% (I just wanted a strong 2:1 this year, anything else extra was a bonus), and I finally achieved my dream of purchasing my very own Vespa. Her name is Martha (think The Beatles) and she is currently in storage with my uncle until I pass (hopefully!) my CBT on Thursday.
I went on and on last year about getting a scooter at uni and I’m glad to say that I officially own one; after the past 9 months of doing 7 day weeks between uni and work in order to save up! Unfortunately now I am skint, but I presume that she’ll be my most extravagant purchase prior to graduation. So in that sense she was worth it :)
So as you can see life has been pretty amazing. It’s funny how you only really feel the need to write down your thoughts when you’re sad, I guess I’m not really one for taking selfies either (Kamil is in charge of that). Though people take the piss out of others taking photos of themselves I love looking back at photographs of when we first got together and how exciting the whole scenario was. I guess it’s been a rarity for me to be so happy for this long that I feel the need to take it in rather than constantly document it.
But I guess now I’ve realised how important it is to do so, so through the bad days you can re-read these memories from when they were fresh to provide prospective and get you through.
I will definitely try to keep this up. And hopefully it won’t be so long next time.
Bye for now!
Corky xx
Sunday, 16 February 2014
Come Play... With Aerospace, Moving & Family.
Finally after the last year and a half I have finally realised my true calling, the one which I was fully aware it was for years. After all this time I finally took the plunge and reapplied to go back to university. After several rejections due to my lack of UCAS points due to me doing so piss poor on my BTEC (mind a MP for 43% attendance is an achievement in my book!) I finally received acceptance in the warm arms of Kingston University (I also got in to Salford, but it was design-based, not a field I really want to go into).
I really only applied for the course based on the feedback I got from my friend from college who went there, and through spying through his pictures on his Facebook and seeing how awesome it looked. The course I'm doing is not actually with the University as such, but it is accredited by them. Meaning essentially I'll be working hands on with aircraft of all design, commercial, military, haulage and private. Talk about fucking awesome! The company is called The Marshall Aerospace and Defence Group, you can check out their website for more information on the company: www.marshalladg.com.
Now I'm just terrified to be moving to Cambridge, a beautiful city I'm sure, but I was more excited when I was moving to Manchester, possibly because I was moving into halls and I thought I was going to be safe with the whole uni vibe around me, which to an extent was true. But I guess experience has taught me that you'll never be safe anywhere on your own, which is why moving to a city, where I don't know ANYBODY, and with no student accommodation in sight; kinda terrifies me.
I've been viewing flats on Zoopla and the like, and the rents are amazingly reasonable, although this is another thing that scares me, considering that it's down south, why am I able to find all-inclusive accommodation for under £80 per week? I already feel some sort of catch coming on.
But on the upside I'll be a hell of a lot closer to my friends and family, with London only being 20mins away, which is also a significant reason why I chose to go, since my 2 year old sister doesn't even know who I am, I don't want to be just another long lost relative who sends her easter eggs and a card with money in it on her birthday, I'd really like to be a part of her life and bestow all my worldly knowledge to her to ensure that she doesn't make the same mistakes that I have, or doesn't NEED to in any case. (If she's anything like me it'll likely not stop her, but I could have done with a heads up on what I was getting myself into on many occasions!)
All in all though I'm feeling really excited for the future, if not a little apprehensive, though I guess that's good in a way, I must be growing up as each day I become more fearful of the world.
Here's to the next chapter!
I really only applied for the course based on the feedback I got from my friend from college who went there, and through spying through his pictures on his Facebook and seeing how awesome it looked. The course I'm doing is not actually with the University as such, but it is accredited by them. Meaning essentially I'll be working hands on with aircraft of all design, commercial, military, haulage and private. Talk about fucking awesome! The company is called The Marshall Aerospace and Defence Group, you can check out their website for more information on the company: www.marshalladg.com.
Now I'm just terrified to be moving to Cambridge, a beautiful city I'm sure, but I was more excited when I was moving to Manchester, possibly because I was moving into halls and I thought I was going to be safe with the whole uni vibe around me, which to an extent was true. But I guess experience has taught me that you'll never be safe anywhere on your own, which is why moving to a city, where I don't know ANYBODY, and with no student accommodation in sight; kinda terrifies me.
I've been viewing flats on Zoopla and the like, and the rents are amazingly reasonable, although this is another thing that scares me, considering that it's down south, why am I able to find all-inclusive accommodation for under £80 per week? I already feel some sort of catch coming on.
But on the upside I'll be a hell of a lot closer to my friends and family, with London only being 20mins away, which is also a significant reason why I chose to go, since my 2 year old sister doesn't even know who I am, I don't want to be just another long lost relative who sends her easter eggs and a card with money in it on her birthday, I'd really like to be a part of her life and bestow all my worldly knowledge to her to ensure that she doesn't make the same mistakes that I have, or doesn't NEED to in any case. (If she's anything like me it'll likely not stop her, but I could have done with a heads up on what I was getting myself into on many occasions!)
All in all though I'm feeling really excited for the future, if not a little apprehensive, though I guess that's good in a way, I must be growing up as each day I become more fearful of the world.
Here's to the next chapter!
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