Come Play With... 2014

Good evening to you all.

It has been brought to my attention that about this time of year people come up with these weird things called 'Resolutions' or something, where they generally set themselves some sort of unachievable target (or non-scalable i.e being nicer, wtf) and then by the end of the month are back to square one. Still smoking and still fat.

Well this year, my initial thoughts on a resolution were to be 'a proper lad and to give none of the fucks for 2014' which is a good idea in theory, except for the fact that... and believe it or not... I have a vagina.

Henceforth due to this I have decided that for my New Years Resolution I shall not set up a New Years Resolution. Because I never keep to them anyway and frankly, if anything I spent a good chunk of the last year trying to be sweet, compassionate and empathetic and self-less. But I am none of these things!

I'd say if I made it to 2015 without a kid that would be ace, but I don't want to jinx it. And if I wasn't still living in Manchester that would be cool too, but for some reason I'm not holding my breath just yet.

All I'm going to do is just keep going down the downward spiral that is my life, still frustrated and stunted; still alone and bitter.

Happy 2014.

Come play with... A Cluttered Mind.

A cluttered room = a cluttered mind. Henceforth with Immediate effect I shall finally tidy this bitchin' mess which is my life.

In a blog post a few months back I addressed the fact that I had become a hoarder over the past few years and somehow managed to bring a lot of baggage from Newcastle down to Manchester with me, and transport it from various homes since I've been here.

Well as I have spent the past few weeks pondering my future and assessing my life, I have allowed my drastic change in lifestyle get on top of me and has genuinely sent me a little mad and I have managed to hoard a whole host of new shit (WHO NEEDS 4 CANS OF HAIRSPRAY?!).

My nan always used to tell me that she had no idea how the hell I could live in mess (I know, boring as fuq), and Chris used to spend hours sitting in my room amongst the clutter and just be amused by my lack of order in my personal space (wot a weirdo).

Now I see where they were coming from (berrr), I have been putting off addressing my own laziness by constantly being out jaunting on random missions to avoid the bane of my life. Tidying.

To say the past few weeks have been surreal would be a little bit of an over-statement. But it has definitely been an eye opener. I used to waste my life doing stupid shit like taking surveys online and spending many hours on YouTube watching moderately (not even) funny videos.

From there to spending as much time out of the house as possible, ensuring that I should only go home to sleep (if I really HAVE to) has really taken it out of me, and now I'm stuck in a position where I'm constantly over-analysing everything and my mind is about as calm as a cow when it's just clicked on that it's about to be slaughtered.

Therefore I shall finally tidy my fucking room and get some scented candles on the go, I'd have wine but I fear that it's just contributing to be problem (it's really not, I just don't have any in the house and it's fucking freezing outside) so I should give myself a few days grace before I decide to batter my liver once more with hot liquid goodness (mulled wine, you perverts!).

I've also just cut my hair in procrastination (EDGY AZ FUQ) and now have absolutely nothing left to distract me, aside from writing this blog post, which I should draw to a close on that note.

BAI! xx

Come play with... The top 5 things to change when your life becomes shit.

In this post I would like to address the absolute bollocks that you may hear from your 'so-called' peers or even, 'betters'. Life is to be lived! To ensure that you do this to the full ensure that you follow the steps below to get yourself started...

Here are the Top 5 things to change when your life becomes shit.

1. In a relationship? End it. Bad patches are for the weak and needy, why waste your time on something which is not making you happy? Life is too short for mind games and stress, and if you live your life properly you'll be getting that enough from your colleagues/family/tax man. So ensure that you keep shit feelings to a minimum.

2. Your computer. Your computer no longer giving you goosebumps at it's sheer awesomeness? Sell it! If it's still relatively new you can sell it on-line for possibly up to 80% of it's purchase price! You will still need to pay roughly £90 for an iPhone 3GS... That shit was released 4 years ago!

3. Your diet. Constantly feeling lethargic? Eat a fucking banana you lazy bastard.

4. Drink more! A glass of wine a day keeps the doctors away according to a study which states that not only does wine make you an amazing person, and 25% more attractive which increases with every glass, but it also lowers your chance of heart disease! Whey!

5. Connect with people from work/college/uni/parental group/whatever. You'll find out that that annoying kid in the corner is actually amazing (ensure that you follow 4.) and that your colleagues are fabulous divas who you'll have beef on in the office if they are even half as much of a disgrace as you are!

There are many more things I could add. But that would eat into valuable work *cough* drinking *cough* time.

So I hope this helps!

Tra xx