Come Play With... 2014

Good evening to you all.

It has been brought to my attention that about this time of year people come up with these weird things called 'Resolutions' or something, where they generally set themselves some sort of unachievable target (or non-scalable i.e being nicer, wtf) and then by the end of the month are back to square one. Still smoking and still fat.

Well this year, my initial thoughts on a resolution were to be 'a proper lad and to give none of the fucks for 2014' which is a good idea in theory, except for the fact that... and believe it or not... I have a vagina.

Henceforth due to this I have decided that for my New Years Resolution I shall not set up a New Years Resolution. Because I never keep to them anyway and frankly, if anything I spent a good chunk of the last year trying to be sweet, compassionate and empathetic and self-less. But I am none of these things!

I'd say if I made it to 2015 without a kid that would be ace, but I don't want to jinx it. And if I wasn't still living in Manchester that would be cool too, but for some reason I'm not holding my breath just yet.

All I'm going to do is just keep going down the downward spiral that is my life, still frustrated and stunted; still alone and bitter.

Happy 2014.

Come Play with... Disappointment

Wow. I have come to understand why it is that people prefer to be alone. Because you can never disappoint yourself, because you know yourself. You can always be disappointed by those around you because you learn to know them in a certain light, and before you know it, it turns out that they are someone completely different.

This situation usually comes about after instances of meeting people under the influence of alcohol/drugs/red bull. Where you believe that you're on some sort of so-called level and are so excited to meet someone who 'gets you'. Then you wake up sober and realise they are nothing more than a moderately well-educated buffoon with no more charisma than a hedgehog who was abused in infancy and has severe learning difficulties.

When you meet this sort of conundrum in your life, most people will go one of either two ways, to drink, or to enlightenment. As a life-long believer in that the world is a series of random occurrences, that your actions are not predetermined and that your soul mate is as much a mythical creature as Santa and the boogie man; it can only mean one thing. I must become an alcoholic.

Either that or I need to go home, to my friends who 'get me' and moreover 'get drunk with me'. I feel really homesick now, Manchester's not as cheap a night out and all the clubs are too far away from each other to have a decent night. And the taxi's are expensive. And I'm poor.

This poverty-stricken depression will end me. The end of the tunnel is near, but it's never near enough.

Come play with... A Cluttered Mind.

A cluttered room = a cluttered mind. Henceforth with Immediate effect I shall finally tidy this bitchin' mess which is my life.

In a blog post a few months back I addressed the fact that I had become a hoarder over the past few years and somehow managed to bring a lot of baggage from Newcastle down to Manchester with me, and transport it from various homes since I've been here.

Well as I have spent the past few weeks pondering my future and assessing my life, I have allowed my drastic change in lifestyle get on top of me and has genuinely sent me a little mad and I have managed to hoard a whole host of new shit (WHO NEEDS 4 CANS OF HAIRSPRAY?!).

My nan always used to tell me that she had no idea how the hell I could live in mess (I know, boring as fuq), and Chris used to spend hours sitting in my room amongst the clutter and just be amused by my lack of order in my personal space (wot a weirdo).

Now I see where they were coming from (berrr), I have been putting off addressing my own laziness by constantly being out jaunting on random missions to avoid the bane of my life. Tidying.

To say the past few weeks have been surreal would be a little bit of an over-statement. But it has definitely been an eye opener. I used to waste my life doing stupid shit like taking surveys online and spending many hours on YouTube watching moderately (not even) funny videos.

From there to spending as much time out of the house as possible, ensuring that I should only go home to sleep (if I really HAVE to) has really taken it out of me, and now I'm stuck in a position where I'm constantly over-analysing everything and my mind is about as calm as a cow when it's just clicked on that it's about to be slaughtered.

Therefore I shall finally tidy my fucking room and get some scented candles on the go, I'd have wine but I fear that it's just contributing to be problem (it's really not, I just don't have any in the house and it's fucking freezing outside) so I should give myself a few days grace before I decide to batter my liver once more with hot liquid goodness (mulled wine, you perverts!).

I've also just cut my hair in procrastination (EDGY AZ FUQ) and now have absolutely nothing left to distract me, aside from writing this blog post, which I should draw to a close on that note.

BAI! xx

Come play... With Bitterness.

Are you living your life to the fullest?

It’s said that youth is wasted on the young, and I cannot even begin to stress how relevant I think this point is to me. I feel that at 22 I’ve done nothing that I always wanted to do when I was young.

I wanted to spend my life on a boat, plane or bus, constantly travelling and absorbing all that the world had to offer. I’ve had the typical point of view taking the piss out of rich people going on their ‘gap yarrz’ and travelling to look at poor children and then eating their food and then believing themselves to be better than the rest of us because they’re ‘cultured’ or whatever.

All I can say is, you lucky bastards.

Another quote that has risen to mind is that good luck is bestowed on to those who probably deserve it least. I never knew elitism until I moved here, and it is genuinely disgusting. No I do not agree with ‘hoodlems’ beating up homeless people and ‘gangsters’ making drugs more accessible to children than even standard legal age-restricted drugs. There are people in the world that prey on the meek and the weak-minded… and they suck.

But I’m sorry but the next posh toff who decides it’s a good idea to rub their privileged lifestyles in my face will finally have justification for their expensive private healthcare insurance.

God I’ve turned bitter in my old age.

Someone get me on holiday. NOW.