Come play... During my Dry January experience

Once the clock hits 12 tonight I will be 1 month sober! Funnily enough, I never thought of myself as an alcoholic, but I'd never stretch so far as to say I was only a moderate drinker. Especially over the month of December last year, when I ended up taking on more shifts at work at the pub and consequently, supplied myself with plenty of free booze (all legit of course).

However, I noticed that my drinking was starting to take it's toll when I'd find myself going through a bottle of wine at least a night. I had this issue where I could say no to a glass, however once a single one was consumed, the bottle could not be left unfinished. When considering the term of the glass being half full or half empty, in my case, the BOTTLE, should be neither, it should always, be completely, FULL, and then, EMPTY, and then another sourced to be devoured without delay!

This was all fine and well, I suppose, in my teens and early twenties, however now I have reached the year that I should (hopefully!) hit my 25th year of existence on this planet, and with my life not having turned out entirely as planned, still juggling bar jobs with my studies at university, whilst most of my peers had graduated a long time ago and are getting well and truly stuck in to their careers, I found a sober moment to contemplate my life choices and deliberate them in detail.

I thought about all the key points in my life that had lead me down then path that I find myself on. Why didn't I reach my predicted grade in school or college? Why didn't I pass my first year in university first time around? And why did I choose to work in customer service for 3 years instead of push myself to get a job I had any remote interest in?

Then I noticed a running theme, I started drinking 3 months before I was due to take my GCSE's, spending the majority of my free time down the beach with my friends getting wasted on Bella or Glen's vodka. Instead of attempting to revise for my exams. How I managed to pass them all (though some just barely) I'll never know.

This trend followed suit through college, especially once I moved out from home. Most of my 16th and 17th years of life are a blur, with only photographs on MySpace and Facebook to remind me that I got off with the majority of my friendship group and was lucky that I never ended up getting smacked by anyone since my actions were similar to that of an infant child pouring drinks over myself and just about anyone within a 5 meter radius of me.

Subsequently I failed my A Levels, no surprise there.

Then I gave myself 4 months to think long and hard about what I wanted to do with my life, and I stumbled across the Aerospace Engineering Btec at Newcastle College. It looked and turned out to be, pretty awesome, well, for the 43% of the time that I attended, the remaining 57% of the time I was either inebriated, or hungover. Due to the high quality of my level of work when I did bother to attend, I was predicted a DM (Distinction Merit) however, due to the course being mostly being put on the back burner behind my budding social life, I only ended up with a MP (Merit Pass). Which is barely acceptable for most universities and required me to do a foundation year where ever I decided to go. I can only assume that it was due to "positive discrimination" that I got into Manchester, because I didn't even hit their very lenient conditional offer target of a MM.

In my defence, I screwed up in Manchester predominantly due to financial issues, I didn't receive a single payment from Student Finance until March the following year after my course started, and I relied entirely on handouts from my fairly cash strapped estranged (according to the law at least, but not so much in real life) father. Most of this money ended up in my local bar, and I only decided to pull my finger out and do some real work one my payment came through, far too late, being unable to pick up the marks squandered from the first semester.

Once I received my confirmation from Manchester University that I'd not be allowed to resit the year, as they didn't consider financial difficulty to be a mitigating circumstance, I found myself at a real low point, and did what I always did when I was down in the dumps. I got drunk,

From that point I scowered the internet to find any job I could, and ended up doing the only job that those with wasted talent end up doing... I went into customer service.

I then spent as I said 3 years of my life getting up, going to work, hating work, finding kindred spirits in the form of my colleagues who also hated the work, finished, went out and got mind numbingly drunk with said colleagues and woke up hungover and miserable at the thought of going through the whole charade all over again.

But I persevered, I needed the money to pay for the booze, and after rent, that's what 90% of my salary went on.

After this time I eventually got fed up and decided to go back to university again. Which I have done, and completed my first year of last summer. The first real achievement that I have been able to put under my belt in 5 years. But the road ahead is still long, and as I grow older I find that now not just my body, but also my mind was being affected by my relationship with alcohol.

I constantly found myself stressed and uneasy, breakdowns in my job and at university were a frequent occurrence as I struggled to complete tasks or assignments with a hangover. And as I had my last breakdown at work in the middle of last month...

I decided enough was enough.

I needed to stop drinking. And not just cut down, I mean completely stop due to my entire lack of self control.

So I did. For 31 days for the month of January 2016.

And what did I find?

That drinking yourself into oblivion is fucking stupid.

I also saved 65 quid.

Come Play with... Weirdos

What the actual fuck is going on with my life?

I've got a hoard of people chasing after me, and I'm well past my so-called 'Prime'.

Far too much headfuckery going down.

I'm actually turning down people who once I'd have dreamt of dating.

I'm no hotter now than I've ever been in the past and if anything I'm more damaged than I have ever been (by damaged I mean less naive).

Really I guess this isn't something I should be complaining about, I guess I'm just a little too sceptical to allow my ego to be boosted beyond a certain point, though I can't help but wonder, why now?

Possibly the people in my life have grown to a point where they realise that maybe their lives cannot be fulfilled merely by getting wasted every night?

But that still doesn't explain why I would be some sort of key to fill the void. And if they knew me then why would they think by simply calling me gorgeous that it would somehow rouse my interest?

Clearly I must have been a dry fish back in the day, not the wriggly little shit that I am now.

I think I need to set the record straight and make it as clear as possible that...

People are weirdos.

And they scare me.

I do not want to go out with you.

Please leave me alone.

Come Play with... Disappointment

Wow. I have come to understand why it is that people prefer to be alone. Because you can never disappoint yourself, because you know yourself. You can always be disappointed by those around you because you learn to know them in a certain light, and before you know it, it turns out that they are someone completely different.

This situation usually comes about after instances of meeting people under the influence of alcohol/drugs/red bull. Where you believe that you're on some sort of so-called level and are so excited to meet someone who 'gets you'. Then you wake up sober and realise they are nothing more than a moderately well-educated buffoon with no more charisma than a hedgehog who was abused in infancy and has severe learning difficulties.

When you meet this sort of conundrum in your life, most people will go one of either two ways, to drink, or to enlightenment. As a life-long believer in that the world is a series of random occurrences, that your actions are not predetermined and that your soul mate is as much a mythical creature as Santa and the boogie man; it can only mean one thing. I must become an alcoholic.

Either that or I need to go home, to my friends who 'get me' and moreover 'get drunk with me'. I feel really homesick now, Manchester's not as cheap a night out and all the clubs are too far away from each other to have a decent night. And the taxi's are expensive. And I'm poor.

This poverty-stricken depression will end me. The end of the tunnel is near, but it's never near enough.

Come play with... The top 5 things to change when your life becomes shit.

In this post I would like to address the absolute bollocks that you may hear from your 'so-called' peers or even, 'betters'. Life is to be lived! To ensure that you do this to the full ensure that you follow the steps below to get yourself started...

Here are the Top 5 things to change when your life becomes shit.

1. In a relationship? End it. Bad patches are for the weak and needy, why waste your time on something which is not making you happy? Life is too short for mind games and stress, and if you live your life properly you'll be getting that enough from your colleagues/family/tax man. So ensure that you keep shit feelings to a minimum.

2. Your computer. Your computer no longer giving you goosebumps at it's sheer awesomeness? Sell it! If it's still relatively new you can sell it on-line for possibly up to 80% of it's purchase price! You will still need to pay roughly £90 for an iPhone 3GS... That shit was released 4 years ago!

3. Your diet. Constantly feeling lethargic? Eat a fucking banana you lazy bastard.

4. Drink more! A glass of wine a day keeps the doctors away according to a study which states that not only does wine make you an amazing person, and 25% more attractive which increases with every glass, but it also lowers your chance of heart disease! Whey!

5. Connect with people from work/college/uni/parental group/whatever. You'll find out that that annoying kid in the corner is actually amazing (ensure that you follow 4.) and that your colleagues are fabulous divas who you'll have beef on in the office if they are even half as much of a disgrace as you are!

There are many more things I could add. But that would eat into valuable work *cough* drinking *cough* time.

So I hope this helps!

Tra xx