Sunday, 1 December 2013

Come Play with... Weirdos

What the actual fuck is going on with my life?

I've got a hoard of people chasing after me, and I'm well past my so-called 'Prime'.

Far too much headfuckery going down.

I'm actually turning down people who once I'd have dreamt of dating.

I'm no hotter now than I've ever been in the past and if anything I'm more damaged than I have ever been (by damaged I mean less naive).

Really I guess this isn't something I should be complaining about, I guess I'm just a little too sceptical to allow my ego to be boosted beyond a certain point, though I can't help but wonder, why now?

Possibly the people in my life have grown to a point where they realise that maybe their lives cannot be fulfilled merely by getting wasted every night?

But that still doesn't explain why I would be some sort of key to fill the void. And if they knew me then why would they think by simply calling me gorgeous that it would somehow rouse my interest?

Clearly I must have been a dry fish back in the day, not the wriggly little shit that I am now.

I think I need to set the record straight and make it as clear as possible that...

People are weirdos.

And they scare me.

I do not want to go out with you.

Please leave me alone.

Saturday, 30 November 2013

Come play with... Thieves.

Well, just your standard evening in Mancunia. You leave the house for one sodding night and your house is broken in to. My lack of organisation in my past has generally plagued my life (see previous posts). Who the fuck would have thought that in my very time of need that my disgusting habits should see though some good fortune in a circumstance which hits those of us who are most unlucky.

I spent a month of my life living in ACTUAL poverty over this item which I am using to type up this blog post. £230 of my hard-earned cash (or 33hrs of my life) all for this little piece of electronic heaven. And to think that it had been stolen, (along with my other laptop which was infinitely better in every way except it was no where near as cute) wrought on to me the pain which only a parent could experience with the loss of a child. Probably.

But no, in the robbers haste they neglected to notice the little white box under my over-flowing washing basket which contained the one true object of my desires.

I'd like to think the moral of this story is that I should live like a squatter forever. Though it is really infeasible since I would like to be able to welcome other people into my space at some point, one day in my life.

On the downside they still stole a laptop worth £400 from my room. It also had Rome: Total War in it. And it shall be mourned appropriately and forever hold a special place in my heart, since this laptop doesn't even have a sodding optical drive.

But, when it comes to the standard view of assessing whether the glass is half full, or half empty. In my situation some cunt knocked a full pint out me hand, but the glass was dead nice so I nicked it anyway.

(It doesn't count as stealing when there's no victim!)

Yeah. Shit happens. Fuck you thieves! (Real ones)

Wednesday, 27 November 2013

Come play with... Trying too hard.

It's funny how every relationship/encounter that I've ever had with someone of whom I had a significant instant attraction to always becomes awkward as fuck. It's weird, if you're yourself, just standard goofy little you, you always attract the attention of members of the opposite sex (I specifically say opposite as this does not apply to me personally with same-sex encounters), and when you click on that they might find you endearing then you start to go weird.

Why is it that regardless of who you are or who they are, you become lost for words, suddenly you watch what you say and become worried about what they may think! And before you know it you no longer have anything left to say at all and you're stuck trying to save what it was that you found attractive about them in the first place to find that it was lost somewhere amongst the lust and the butterflies.

It's a sad state of affairs when you become so consumed with lust that you place someone on a pedestal of whom has no place there, and you find yourself changing and HATE it. You're constantly bashing your head against a brick wall trying to remember who you were and to become that bright spark that lighten's their day, to find that you've become an overbearing nag desperate for attention.

What is it about the human brain which makes you instantly feel the need to change yourself once you have identified the current object of your desires? (note how I've used the word object, because they are no longer human, you can no longer identify with them on a personal level and you must now treat them with the utmost tenderness and care, like a Chanel bag.)

I haven't done this in a very long time (baring in mind that I've deliberately dated people that are not necessarily as 'physically' attractive as myself to prevent this) yet now I've decided that I actually would like to be physically attracted to my next lover, I know it's going to come at a cost because this is something embedded into my DNA since the dawn of time.

I shall be sure to do all I can to switch this off, although I know the only way that'll be possible is to never have a relationship. Which is probably best right now. It's just going to be weird since I've been solidly pretty much in long-term relationships since 2010, but I guess we've all got to start somewhere!

To being single! Woo! (Bored already) xx

Tuesday, 26 November 2013

Come Play with... Disappointment

Wow. I have come to understand why it is that people prefer to be alone. Because you can never disappoint yourself, because you know yourself. You can always be disappointed by those around you because you learn to know them in a certain light, and before you know it, it turns out that they are someone completely different.

This situation usually comes about after instances of meeting people under the influence of alcohol/drugs/red bull. Where you believe that you're on some sort of so-called level and are so excited to meet someone who 'gets you'. Then you wake up sober and realise they are nothing more than a moderately well-educated buffoon with no more charisma than a hedgehog who was abused in infancy and has severe learning difficulties.

When you meet this sort of conundrum in your life, most people will go one of either two ways, to drink, or to enlightenment. As a life-long believer in that the world is a series of random occurrences, that your actions are not predetermined and that your soul mate is as much a mythical creature as Santa and the boogie man; it can only mean one thing. I must become an alcoholic.

Either that or I need to go home, to my friends who 'get me' and moreover 'get drunk with me'. I feel really homesick now, Manchester's not as cheap a night out and all the clubs are too far away from each other to have a decent night. And the taxi's are expensive. And I'm poor.

This poverty-stricken depression will end me. The end of the tunnel is near, but it's never near enough.

Wednesday, 20 November 2013

Come play with... A Cluttered Mind.

A cluttered room = a cluttered mind. Henceforth with Immediate effect I shall finally tidy this bitchin' mess which is my life.

In a blog post a few months back I addressed the fact that I had become a hoarder over the past few years and somehow managed to bring a lot of baggage from Newcastle down to Manchester with me, and transport it from various homes since I've been here.

Well as I have spent the past few weeks pondering my future and assessing my life, I have allowed my drastic change in lifestyle get on top of me and has genuinely sent me a little mad and I have managed to hoard a whole host of new shit (WHO NEEDS 4 CANS OF HAIRSPRAY?!).

My nan always used to tell me that she had no idea how the hell I could live in mess (I know, boring as fuq), and Chris used to spend hours sitting in my room amongst the clutter and just be amused by my lack of order in my personal space (wot a weirdo).

Now I see where they were coming from (berrr), I have been putting off addressing my own laziness by constantly being out jaunting on random missions to avoid the bane of my life. Tidying.

To say the past few weeks have been surreal would be a little bit of an over-statement. But it has definitely been an eye opener. I used to waste my life doing stupid shit like taking surveys online and spending many hours on YouTube watching moderately (not even) funny videos.

From there to spending as much time out of the house as possible, ensuring that I should only go home to sleep (if I really HAVE to) has really taken it out of me, and now I'm stuck in a position where I'm constantly over-analysing everything and my mind is about as calm as a cow when it's just clicked on that it's about to be slaughtered.

Therefore I shall finally tidy my fucking room and get some scented candles on the go, I'd have wine but I fear that it's just contributing to be problem (it's really not, I just don't have any in the house and it's fucking freezing outside) so I should give myself a few days grace before I decide to batter my liver once more with hot liquid goodness (mulled wine, you perverts!).

I've also just cut my hair in procrastination (EDGY AZ FUQ) and now have absolutely nothing left to distract me, aside from writing this blog post, which I should draw to a close on that note.

BAI! xx

Sunday, 10 November 2013

Come Play... With New Beginnings

As one door closes, another opens, that's what they say so I am told. But lest we forget the moments of our past of incredible significance. For it is those moments who shape you into your new, improved, if slightly dishevelled self.

Looking back on the memories which made you feel intense happiness, do not mourn their loss, treasure the time you had, and make new beginnings with those feelings embedded in your soul. For no one can take them away from you.

You may not feel exactly the same next time around, but don't chase after it, for with each new individual, a whole new source of opportunity presents itself for you to explore. Treasure each moment, for you do not know when it will be your last.

Love is fleeting, lust even more so, so treasure it all the more, so when it's gone, who knows when it will next cross your path.

Lust gets you off, but it is Love which endures. It is a rare and beautiful thing. And I am so happy that I can say that I experienced it, in it's true form. It will live forever in my memories.

Thank you for your time.

Now, here's to the next chapter, I look forward to sharing it with you.

Wednesday, 6 November 2013

Come Play... With Friendly Fires Remixes

Play this track, it is fairly old but just makes you feel incredibly euphoric and alive. If you don't like it, try it again, it will definitely grow on you. I have it on repeat.


One day we're gonna live in Paris
I promise
I'm on it
When I'm bringing in the money
I promise
I'm on it
I'm gonna take you out to club showcase
We're gonna live it up
I promise
Just hold on a little more

And every night we'll watch the stars
They'll be out for us
They'll be out for us
And every night, the city lights
They'll be out for us
They'll be out for us

One day we're gonna live in Paris
I promise
I'm on it
I'll find you that French boy,
You'll find me that French girl
I promise
I'm on it

So go and pack your bags
For the long haul
We're gonna lose ourselves
I promise
This time it's you and me for evermore

And every night we'll watch the stars
They'll be out for us
They'll be out for us
And every night, the city lights
They'll be out for us
They'll be out for us

And every night we'll watch the stars
They'll be out for us
They'll be out for us
And every night, the city lights
They'll be out for us
They'll be out for us

Come play with... The top 5 things to change when your life becomes shit.

In this post I would like to address the absolute bollocks that you may hear from your 'so-called' peers or even, 'betters'. Life is to be lived! To ensure that you do this to the full ensure that you follow the steps below to get yourself started...

Here are the Top 5 things to change when your life becomes shit.

1. In a relationship? End it. Bad patches are for the weak and needy, why waste your time on something which is not making you happy? Life is too short for mind games and stress, and if you live your life properly you'll be getting that enough from your colleagues/family/tax man. So ensure that you keep shit feelings to a minimum.

2. Your computer. Your computer no longer giving you goosebumps at it's sheer awesomeness? Sell it! If it's still relatively new you can sell it on-line for possibly up to 80% of it's purchase price! You will still need to pay roughly £90 for an iPhone 3GS... That shit was released 4 years ago!

3. Your diet. Constantly feeling lethargic? Eat a fucking banana you lazy bastard.

4. Drink more! A glass of wine a day keeps the doctors away according to a study which states that not only does wine make you an amazing person, and 25% more attractive which increases with every glass, but it also lowers your chance of heart disease! Whey!

5. Connect with people from work/college/uni/parental group/whatever. You'll find out that that annoying kid in the corner is actually amazing (ensure that you follow 4.) and that your colleagues are fabulous divas who you'll have beef on in the office if they are even half as much of a disgrace as you are!

There are many more things I could add. But that would eat into valuable work *cough* drinking *cough* time.

So I hope this helps!

Tra xx

Saturday, 2 November 2013

Queen - I Want To Break Free



I want to break free
I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies
You're so self-satisfied I don't need you
I got to break free
God knows, God knows I want to break free

I've fallen in love
I've fallen in love for the first time
And this time I know it's for real
I've fallen in love, yeah
God knows, God knows I've fallen in love

It's strange but it's true (hey yea)
I can't get over the way you love me like you do
But I have to be sure
When I walk out that door
Oh how I want to be free baby
Oh how I want to be free
Oh how I want to break free

(INSTRUMENTAL INTERLUDE)

But life still goes on
I can't get used to living without, living without, living without you
by my side
I don't want to live alone, hey
God knows got to make it on my own
So baby can't you see
I've got to break free

I've got to break free
I want to break free, yeah

I want, I want, I want, I want to break free …

Tuesday, 29 October 2013

Come play with... Companionship.

At work the other day I had a very interesting discussion with a very sweet elderly lady.

She needed to have some accommodation booked as she was travelling down south to attend the funeral of a dear friend that she had known since she was 11 years old.

In typical helpful Corkin-Style I managed to get her into a bridal suite for a price of a standard double, in order to hope that some comfort my come from her stay. She said if it's really nice she might just extend her stay a few days. It's really nice how in her older years she has the freedom to make (or not make as the case was) decisions for herself. Without the need to contemplate the needs of others.

Though our discussion we covered many topics, many of which my colleague believed to be inappropriate. I merely believed that it was inappropriate for him to be listening in and should have bloody well minded his own business. But anyway...

One topic which came up was love, or the true rarity of it in it's purest form in this life. I found it strange how honest she was about it, and she made a point that... 

'Young people these days spend too long waiting for the 'one' to come along. In the meantime their life flashes before their eyes and once they hit my age they become sad, lonely, bitter old women. In the end, all you need is someone to share the space with, who doesn't annoy you too much and who, if your lucky, makes you laugh. Due to the shift in gender roles over the past few decades women believe that due to the fact that they earn roughly the same if not more than men, and are completely able to depend on themselves financially, that they shouldn't need to settle. But inside the grand apartment, behind the designer clothes and underneath the expensive makeup. We all get lonely.'

Wow. Who can honestly say that that sad, and painfully truthful statement doesn't change the way that you look at your past/present relationships? Possibly even, the relationship between your parents and your grandparents... etc?

I guess life is as real as it gets. No fantasies here. And should you feel happy? Or relieved? To understand that there ISN'T someone out there just for you? The grass will never be greener? And to make the most of your given situation? 

Or sad that the illusive lover who should one day sweep your off your feet and take your hand as you run away together into the sunset; is nothing other than fiction? If anything, by thinking about this in more detail, it does make the idealistic view of true love seem, almost, juvenile, doesn't it?

Saturday, 5 October 2013

Come play with… Some Things I bought my boyfriend for our anniversary.

It’s that time of the year! We have been Facebook official for 365 days (aka in a relationship).

Due to this, like other holidays such as Valentine’s Day, Christmas and birthdays; we set ourselves a limit, and then go ape shit online/in stores/ in markets trying to shop for them and ending up making more purchases for you.

So far I have managed to be fairly good in terms of personal self-restraint, although I did have to buy myself this BEAUTIFUL pillow case

(Will definitely be buying more, check out this lady’s eBay account for more: http://myworld.ebay.co.uk/jrichgirl?_trksid=p2047675.l2559)

Homely touches aside, I ventured back on to the World Wide Web in search of an awesome present for my beloved.

So where do you go to buy special, memorable, one-off pieces? Why www.etsy.com of course!

My old flatmate has a shop on their website selling tie-dye t-shirts, bedding and just about anything else which made of 100% cotton! So while taking photographs of her latest work, she introduced me to the site.

It has changed my life, if you have not visited it yet, please do so immediately. It is fabulous.
As per usual in the time it took for me to click on the homepage I was back to shopping for myself, I decided that I need some pictures for my depressingly bare walls (see below)


Despite this I got myself back on track, realised that should I have enough funds in my account to purchase extensive pieces of artwork with even more expensive shipping costs; then I can afford to buy my boyfriend a sodding present. Back on track I go.

While still venturing through the Art section on Etsy.com, I came across the sweetest little picture I had ever had the pleasure to see:


From here I melted a little inside and decided that I must purchase something from this lady with immediate effect. 

Unfortunately, this little guy did not scream ‘anniversary’ to me, therefore the hunt was now on to find an alternative… it did not take long.


(As you can see I bought this last month, but I didn't want to post this before he got his presents because he hates surprises; and I love annoying him.)

Once I had made this purchase I decided that this would suffice in the art department. When we visited London the only places that he would refuse to visit were the Tate art gallery, The National Portrait Gallery, and essentially anything with the word ‘Gallery’ in the title or with any premise of ‘culture’ at all. 

So even with these little guys I was definitely blowing things out of the water.

Onward and upward I decided to search the Men’s section of the site. Baring in mind that a t-shirt would be the last thing he would want to receive, especially a second-hand horror from the 80’s smelling of mothballs and selling as ‘vintage’. 

I must admit that my expectations weren't high, until I noticed the ‘Gadget Cases & Covers’ section.

He owns a Nexus 7 which he supposedly purchased to help with university although he spends more time on it watching Game of Thrones and Gangster movies which I am sure must have been downloaded legally.

Regardless of his purposes for the tablet, he cannot live without it and it will be in his backpack regardless of whether he going to uni, on holiday or if he will stay indoors, it will be constantly attached to his hand like it is magnetic or something.

So I decided to search ‘Nexus 7’ in the search bar to see what came up. What I found was awesome.

Please see the images below for the most awesome gadget case ever created.





The description given by the seller is as follows:

Simplicity at its finest

This classic style case combines craftsmanship with fine materials to bring you a one-of-a-kind case for your Nexus 7™. These handmade cases include our smooth natural Maple frame along with our own Grip-Right securing system. The IntelliStand option lets your case look, feel, and function like a standard notebook case and transform into the perfect stand for working or watching. The IntelliStand utilizes super strong rare earth magnets to snap the case perfectly into position and snap it right back when you want a standard case. Who says you can't have it all?
Portenzo BookCase for the Google Nexus 7™

Hand-sanded American Maple frames with smooth radius corners for a truly unique look.
Double-glued elastic band won't ever come undone.
IntelliStand adds the versatility of more viewing angles to your case.
Automatic sleep/wake feature included by default (no charge), no matter what options you choose.”

There were so many different choices to go for; however after long deliberation with a friend of mine who I had in fact met through my boyfriend we had decided that this was the best choice for us.

Unfortunately as these are one-off pieces I cannot include a link for this particular case; however they have many similar and very different options with different price ranges and varying functionality.

For their Etsy page, please follow the link: - http://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/Portenzo 

Next I bought... Clothes!

As it's our anniversary, I wanted to buy him a nice new outfit because, with most scruffy 20-odd year old students, his current wardrobe leaves a lot to be desired.

So therefore I hit the Arndale in Manchester and ventured into a shop called PULP. It is really cool, full of really funny t-shirts and, in-store, most of their stock is on some sort of promotion.

Therefore I decided that I wanted to buy him a shirt, but as they had 2 for 1 on their flannel shirts and hoodies, I thought I may as well get one of each.


Their online store does free UK delivery on orders over £50, which is just about standard these days, but I'm not complaining!

The only downside is unfortunately these pieces are £29.99 each, and the 2 for 1 offer seems to only be available in-store. 

So if you ever find yourself in Manchester then it's definitely worth checking out, otherwise you can feel free to browse their website at: http://www.thisispulp.co.uk/

I finally went and bought some jeans from Topman and some other odds and ends that are really just specific to my boyfriend and which I wouldn't really recommend for the general male populous. 

Anyway I hope maybe some of you found this interesting or informative. 

If not then I can only presume that you are procrastinating and therefore I shall bid you adieu!

Tra! xx

Monday, 26 August 2013

Come Play 'Off The Rails'

I spent this weekend down canal street during pride celebrating boys walking around in skimpy underwear and men being fabulous. Along with all the joys that come along with the gay parade during gay pride in Manchester.

After which I ended up going for dinner with my friend Ashley and we ended up having quite a deep conversation.

One particular topic crossed our otherwise fairly light-hearted conversation, with regards to an old friend of his who 'went off the rails' after they finished school, and why they no longer speak.

The way he described her was astonishing as it sounded so much like myself, so much so that I felt the need to discuss it in detail.

For a change of scenery this time I decided to do a VLog for this entry. Please watch the video attached below. I'd love to hear your thoughts.


If you can't be bothered to watch it all, essentially the moral is, don't let go of your friends because they aren't necessarily on the path you expect them to be on. Just be kind, and be there when their world starts to fall. That's what friends are for. And I thank every last one of you who've put up with me all these years.

xx 

Friday, 16 August 2013

Come play with... That Fabulous Feeling!

It's very rare these days as a working girl that you find yourself with a day to yourself, or a day to sleep in my case. I can openly admit that my job is just about the most Mickey Mouse job in existence. I talk to people and book their holidays for them. Aside from the numerous pitfalls in our system which loses us millions of $$$ a year, the site is fairly easy to navigate and you just need to know when to let a sale go and to be tactical enough to keep their custom in the long-term.

Anyway, as you can see up until recently my life was my job which is why even now after 10 days off I still can't fully seem to switch off from it.

But after having this little break it has but my life into perspective, I took my boyfriend down to London for his 21st and we set about doing all the touristy things. We visited the London Eye, Tower London, HMS Belfast and Tower Bridge. Then we ventured north-wards and spent a day gawping at Piranhas and squealing at the Meerkats of whom graced us in the Zoo of Londinia.

Aside from this is did a few of the non-conventional touristy things, we sat down at the Camden Lock with a very good friend of mine and her boyfriend and over a 6-pack of beers, talked of all things London & Life related. I also had my first and only balloon and still wonder why these things are so popular? Along with poppers, another 'legal highs' I cannot seem to get my head around.

From there we went a little upmarket to Southbank with my oldest friend and a few friendly faces from days gone by and hastily sipped on our £1 cocktails from Browns as fast as possible as we needed to catch a train down to Exeter. The cocktails won and we missed our train, so we had to settle with the far less luxurious option of the 'MegaBus'. It got us home, albeit at 4 in the morning, but we got there.

After showing my beloved man my beloved city, he told me that he would never live there and it saddened me to think that our time together now would have an expiry date. However after our week away, he changed his mind. I love that about London, there are so many sides to it and although it may have a cold exterior to it, the people, and the places that you would never think to visit, are those which make it home. To everybody.

After arriving back in Manchester, I automatically received the 'back to work blues' with a huge dollop of lethargy due to the lack of relaxation involved in our 'holiday'. However, after doing only 2 shifts this week and having time to really assess my life (and wash about 2 months’ worth of clothes) I really feel; for the first time since before I left university. Real peace.

I suppose this is why it is compulsory to have a minimum 28 days holiday a year...


And isn't that just fabulous?

Monday, 22 July 2013

Come play... With Bitterness.

Are you living your life to the fullest?

It’s said that youth is wasted on the young, and I cannot even begin to stress how relevant I think this point is to me. I feel that at 22 I’ve done nothing that I always wanted to do when I was young.

I wanted to spend my life on a boat, plane or bus, constantly travelling and absorbing all that the world had to offer. I’ve had the typical point of view taking the piss out of rich people going on their ‘gap yarrz’ and travelling to look at poor children and then eating their food and then believing themselves to be better than the rest of us because they’re ‘cultured’ or whatever.

All I can say is, you lucky bastards.

Another quote that has risen to mind is that good luck is bestowed on to those who probably deserve it least. I never knew elitism until I moved here, and it is genuinely disgusting. No I do not agree with ‘hoodlems’ beating up homeless people and ‘gangsters’ making drugs more accessible to children than even standard legal age-restricted drugs. There are people in the world that prey on the meek and the weak-minded… and they suck.

But I’m sorry but the next posh toff who decides it’s a good idea to rub their privileged lifestyles in my face will finally have justification for their expensive private healthcare insurance.


God I’ve turned bitter in my old age.

Someone get me on holiday. NOW.

Thursday, 20 June 2013

Come play... With Emotions.

People spend too much time hiding behind a face of secrecy. It's as if we're all actors in a play feeling what we are scripted to feel, and agreeing with opinions we are told to agree with. Most of all we are told to have a 'stiff upper lip' and are told that 'big boys don't cry' and various other phrases used to ensure that we hide our true emotions from those around us.

Why for I find myself asking?

Why is it such a bad thing to be true to yourself and others around you?

Why should we be constrained to societies norms and standards?

If I want to be sad for no particular reason, why is that bad?

Why do I need a reason to laugh, or cry?

Why should we need to have a particular association with an event or period of time for our thoughts and ideas to be justified and taken on board?

It's the thoughts and emotions of humans which separate us from the rest of all living organisms. In the fact that we hide our feelings, that we are a superior master-race yet we cannot do the simple thing of communicating visually with one another.

Even to this day I constantly find myself repressing my true personality in fear that those around me may not like me, although I've many friends who I have been completely open with and lost several friends due to doing so; I was always happy being an absolute fucking nutcase.

It's weird I feel more emotional now that I do not have these huge explosions of happiness or sadness. I spend most of my time in a kind-of midway road, where I am never sad, and never extensively happy for any significant period of time. If anything I think that due to the fact I have not been severely depressed in a long time, that I feel that I have lost touch with my emotions and my ability to feel.

This probably reads like a midlife crisis.

Maybe it's what it is?

All I know is that the physical emotions that people experience and the expressions they present are the things which make humans beautiful. To find someone who cared so much about someone/something that it drives them to tears, each tear is like a tiny drop of love oozing out of you to be shared with the world. That's what I like to think it is anyway.

I guess I need to find something to proper piss me off to get me out of this emotional limbolic* state of idleness and mental decline.

Or perhaps I just need to sleep.

Goodbye, xx

*made up a new word, who knew I was fucking Shakespeare?

Come Play... With le Bombay.

Isn't it funny how most music we listen to these days is pretty standard, bouncy bouncy type tunes which may make you feel good, but have no lasting impression on you whatsoever? Then, through the pit of despair of which makes up the current music scene, a song will emerge which touches your heart and leaves a profound emotional footprint which you cannot shake and merely grows stronger with every play.

I found this song a while back if I'm honest, but I thought it would be worth mentioning even just to see if anyone else felt the same? Maybe everyone will have just a select few songs which makes them feel certain emotions which are specific to the individual, and no two people will feel identical after listening to it?

The song with which this entry regards to is a song called 'Leaving Blues' by Bombay Bicycle Club. The weird thing about this song is every time I listen to it I feel this intense sadness and homesickness which I could never have anticipated experiencing. The thing is, I left Newcastle, and my friends & family there, 2 years ago, so why do I miss them so much, now specifically? After all this time?

I've never felt true homesickness like this, it's strange, even when I left everything I knew in London and moved up north, I never felt this way. I feared leaving while I was still there, but after a long train journey up with all my belongings, and about 3 weeks sleep due to being drugged on oxygen, I had pretty much forgotten all about London, until I was 15/16 at least.

If anything, by writing this I feel a trend developing, it's as if after spending a few years away from where you came, you analyse your life and question as to why you left in the first place? I fought it when addressing this feeling first time round, as I felt like I was forced to leave London without a choice, I grew bitter with the situation despite knowing deep down it was the best decision that was ever made for me.

But now as this particular move was my choice and mine alone, I find myself torn between wanting to go back to Newcastle, back to my old life, when I was younger, my friends were all still around and I could handle my drink better; and the bright flashing lights of London and all the hope and success that I may find there. After being fine all this time, I'm struggling to be happy where I am, here in Manchester, despite the wonderful people I have met and have the privilege to call my friends & partner.

I guess history is just repeating itself, and I need to look into this a little more carefully to prevent repeated mistakes.

Well thank you very much Bombay Bicycle Club!

In case you hadn't yet heard this beautiful song, please check out the video below. It's truly moving.




Now your back's to the road

The waiting's everything you know

I'm sure you know that I'm leaving


Riding home everyday
Sure in a cinematic way
Breathing the smoke of the train
Keep the thought of you aflame
I'm sure you know that I'm leaving

Curse God for my regret
I miss you indefinite
Not once did I think that
Love would stay til I come back

Now your back's to the road
The waiting's everything you know
I'm sure you know that I'm leaving


Bye, until next time...

Corky xx

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Come Play in A New Adventure!

As some of my friends may have been aware I was in a band for several years (or 2, for the truly olden days of 'The Funky Monkeys' in which I played the sax in 2006/07ish). I left my first love (Toronto Sun) to pursue a career in academia (moved home for uni). As I became bored with uni and subsequently failed, I have spent the last year essentially bumming around, working in various call centers as a stop-gap as I plan my next move.

Recently I decided to respond to several Ad's on ye' olde tree of gum and had a bloke get back to me with regards to a collaboration with a few musicians in the area. I sent him to my old Myspace as I have a track on there which was an acoustic track from my old band with just me and Adam on guitar and he said he liked my vocal style...

- side note, no one has ever said that, not even the members of my old band, so either he's a perv, or he's deaf, or he's a genius. I hope it is the latter ;).

... and wanted to do a jam session, so I thought, awesome! I heard some of his stuff, not all too much to my liking, it's good, but it's just maybe a little TOO indie for me, but these sessions are good to mold people and force people to play what you want!*

So I'm going along after work on the 23rd of June for our first jam session with this new 'band'. Things are about to become awesome once again...

In case you were curious to see how we "molded" Adam, please watch the following video, it is me miming humorously along to one of his proper crap songs:



Then watch this...


LOL!

See you next time!

Love, Corky.

XOXO

Tuesday, 21 May 2013

Come Play with Materialistic Things.



Dior

I found that, since my late teens at least, I have become obsessed with materialism and all things sparkly and chic. I guess I could blame this on my old flatmate for introducing me to Sex and the City, aged 17. 

From there I decided that I wanted to become Carrie and move to New York and become awesome in whatever it was that I decided to pursue. It even got so bad that I would end relationships over extremely silly things as I yearned for the 'single girl' lifestyle, which in real life never came to fruition. I would just end up jumping into a new relationship within a few months and the cycle would continue. 

I always wanted to be the independent woman who went out for lunch every day and could sustain a luxurious lifestyle with very little effort and hard work. It's funny though because despite the fact that I wanted to live the idolised 'single, independent, glamorous' lifestyle depicted in the TV show; with mountains of designers, the latest one being more fabulous than the last, I never realised that, for 3 of the main characters at least, all they ever wanted deep down was to find 'true love'. 

I never understood really why the characters were never truly fulfilled despite their success and beautiful outfits and trinkets. It is only later that I realised that all these things are a show for the lack of personal achievement in their lives. It's what you wear that is important, not what you do.

After thinking about this I was in a little musical mood and wrote a song about it, it depicts the lack of emotional empathy with the way in which we obtain these items which give us a so-called pillar to stand on and therefore be the envy of our peers. 

It's written ironically just in case it upsets anyone. It's called Diamonds.

I see my reflection
In the Dior window
All I can see, is envy in me
Of who I would like to be.

Success it costs nothing
Except hard work and graft
But what is the use, any work I refuse
All I want are Jimmy Choos.

I want all things sparkling
I need all things glimmering
Beautiful diamond rings
These are my everything.

People die for these stones
This ensures their worth
I should feel bad, but I’m kind of glad
They’re the best love I’ve ever had.

Labels, designers
Sweatshops rule the land
But I do not care, just that they take care,
When sewing my brand new bag

I want all things sparkling,
I need all things glimmering
Beautiful diamond rings
These are my everything.

Ignorance is bliss,
Move out the homeless
Living in bubbleland
Where everything is grand

There is no poverty
All these things might as well be free
Cheating my way, into the next day
With nothing ever worrying me

I want all things sparkling,
I need all things glimmering
Beautiful diamond rings
These are my everything.

These are my everything.